thought # 35- i hate endings

even happy ones which concoct feelings of sappy jubilee as you see the male and female protagonist slay all opposition and ride away into a sunset/home/endless road with implications that they will be happy perpetually. haha ok as unrealistic as that sounds i like that ending haha. but in general im not fond of endings. of things that must conclude and never return or repeat. similarly to today. being the last year of 2009 one cannot help but feel relieved/excited/morose/nostalgic about how quickly the days have matured and our world is aging once again. nevertheless, i am expectant and eager for what 2010 will bring.

in retrospect, this year has been one of many challenges both personally and in the context of my secondary schooling. it was a significant year i must say as many firsts enterred my life and many lasts simultaneously. it only feels like yesterday i graduated high school, went to schoolies, had a favourite boy (i still do, but just not in that context anymore), went to the formal, moved churches, turned 17 and so on. it really does feel like life was only yesterday and today is only here for a transitory tease before it becomes yesterday as well.

before i go on blabbing about the universe and time and profound nonsense haha i must include my new years resolutions/things to do which i always make every year. its  tradition, or more like ocd habit haha. but anyway here it goes:

10 things to do, who to be, what to expect in 2010

1. turn eighteen (obviously ha)
   
2. enrol into university
3. go clubbing
4. go on that special secret playdate with elle the boyfriend.
5. get my Ps 
6. learn to ride a bike (yes i still dont know how)
7. sponser a compassion child
8. volunteer to do a ministry at church
9. be better disciple and person in general haha.
10. enjoy the single life but be mindful and wise of the future. 

im sure there is so much more but ill add onto it if i do remember. oh 2010, it'll be a splendid year i have a good feeling. well apologies for not writing any sooner, work is a killer haha. but take care and have a splendid new years eve and day and may you party hard and love even harder and allow Him to mould you and refine you into the person you are supposed to be.

love

ps. the best party of all! mario party haha.

thought # 34- note to self

1. don't ever smoke cigarettes or consume alcohol or stay up until 3am talking about the complicated world of relationships when you have an eight hour "podiatric suicide" work shift the next day. HAHA

nevertheless i had a splendid evening at the grey residence celebrating the birth of the one and only eugene.  despite having to leave early due to work the next morning, i did have my fair share of reunions, perving on handsome strangers, meeting lovely new people, amusing myself at the antics of drunk people and being fed by lovely asian parents. it was i must say a prelude to 2010 and all the exciting wonders it is to bring. soon i will be posting my things to do for 2010 list which i actually intend to be completing (for once).

alot of things have been surging through my mind lately and to be honest it is hard to discern which path to follow. though i know some are life changing and attached to the future in a large impacting way, some are minor things that have convicted me to re-evaluate and enter 2010 without having to think about such things. there is one issue in particular. of course i can't elaborate when the people involved are currently oblivious so until then i shall remain vague and secretive haha.

well i guess decisions and change in this context may blossom into something better. i need to start dealing with life now... feels like  i haven't been doing so lately haha.

love,

p.s. life kind of feels a bit like this these days. (http://tumblergh.tumblr.com/)

thought # 34- merry christmas!

and happy birthday jesus! i'm going to keep this entry relatively short. actually that's an overstatement. tonight's entry will only be eight sentences long. so before i run out of space, due to my verbosity, let me greet you all a merry christmas and i do hope this festive, yuletide season was delightful in every way, shape and form. i hope the presents you subtly hinted many months ago became a reality, that you felt complete in the company of merry family and second cousins from usa who unexpectedly arrived for a short lived holiday and most of all were reminded of the greatest gift given to us thousands of years ago- jesus!

now i cannot wait for new years to arrive and i am so excited for 2010 and all the wonders and surprises it will bestow for all of us. now before i explode after gorging my little heart out today, i must say goodnight and once again wish everyone a beautiful and blessed CHRISTmas!

love

p.s. another self advertising spiel before i conclude... its the last one for 2009 :) enjoy my lovely regular supporters and new friends who randomly find it haha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-0k8SBpf
oc 

thought #33- noche buena

is what they call christmas eve in the philippines (i think... haha correct me if im wrong) and this evening usually involves fantastic gorging in the company of family and kin, reminiscing, singing karaoke and waiting until the clock strikes midnight to repeat the routine over again. however i can't help feel that this festivity is slightly understated here in australia and silence, peace and the busyness of our regular lives have seemed to overridden the laid back, festive feelings synonymous with a traditional filipino christmas eve and day.

so i arrived home, after a tolerable but boring six hour shift at work, to consume my noche buena of spag bog then fruit salad and systematically rub my legs and feel the wave of tire overcome my entire anatomy. as i speak i am incredibly sleepy which is a nuisance since i was intending to stay awake until midnight and cheer on jesus for his birthday haha.

its funny though when i think about christmas eves and days in the past. although many were spent in the company of family in the forms of lunches, dinners and excessive holiday weight-gain, i can still recall christmas eve of 2006 when i was asked out on my drive way by a delightful young boy named kyle mercado. then i spent christmas day in the philippines (without my lovely parents) a year after. i miss little, petty yet significant things that suddenly become synonymous with your christmas season. it makes me nostalgic and laugh uncontrollably to think that years have truly passed and i still immediately think of shoo-ing of kyle away in the midst of a serenade haha. oh good times.

well i must be off, may you all have a splendid yuletide season. may it be a cherished time in the company of family and friends, may you recall the delightful and pathetic things you did when you were younger and create many more as this season repeats, may you be merry and find yourself drunk under the mistletoe HAHA but most of all may you give glory and gratitude to the one whose arrival, sacrifice and departure in this world caused a revelation and brought revelation to mankind.

love

p.s. christmas day 2007 - midnight at the serendra, philippines. one of the greatest holidays ever.

thought #32- it's beginning to look a lot like another consumerist christmas

haha im pathetic at puns. and apologies for not posting as part of my quotidian routine lately. work has appeared to suck the energy and time which was previously left for mooching and writing entries haha. so christmas is in two days, how crazy time has eradicated this year. soon it will be 2010 and my things to do for 2010 will soon appear (new year's resolutions are overrated but i succumb ever year haha).

it appears that once the christmas album is playing at work, two competitive houses have their christmas lights occupying 3/4 of the street's electricity, 349579457 santas are simultaneously taking pictures with frightened children and children at heart, tinsel, trees and miseltoes are being dusted and hung christmas has finally arrived. and all these things are good and jovial but just like easter becomes easter bunny day christmas is so easily trivialised into a family holiday and an excuse to gorge and splurge. i have no objection with fun on christmas because essentially it is a celebration.

its just a saddening reality that as hackeneyed as this statement is "jesus really is the reason for the season." this is the truth. if a saviour did not arrive humbly on this earth to bring hope, salvation and give the greatest intangible and tangible gift of adoration, this whole concept would not exist. so if this love incarnation is not really the message that is being said this christmas, stuff the overweight red and white man who breaks into our houses in the middle of the night and stuff the pretty lights and presents because santa didn't save us and our world must understand this.

nevertheless have an amazing festive christmas with the conscious understanding of love incarnation and a baby born thousands of years ago that saved us from ourselves.

love

p.s. the truth haha.

thought #31- its called child labour

not really but ten hours of standing, tagging sale shoes, getting three different sizes of three different pairs of shoes which don't end up being purchased, being ignored by (selectively) deaf customers, trying on shoes when no one else was in the store, dusting until i thought i would wheeze was not particularly the best way to spend a lovely saturday. nevertheless im not complaining, being paid and all haha it was also delightful to have kate and kuan drop by and keep me company be it a few minutes in between silences and window- shopping customers.

on a lighter note, last night i attended ncc's christmas shindig at st johns bowling park (think fairfield area) it was a lovely time of catching up and seeing faces that i have not seen in so long (apologies to the lovely kid i used to teach in sunday school who out of a competitive nature nearly poked his eyeball out with my elbow... im such a bully ha). nothing much has occurred except how 2009 is slowly dissolving and in less than a week christmas will be with us. i cannot believe how quickly this year has arrived and departed but moreso excited for what 2010 will bring.

well i am honestly, dead tired physically and mentally and thus cannot even summon enough strength to write anything witty or amusing. sorry if i've disappointed haha. well goodnight friends, until next week and another week of child labour (i kid, i love my job PROMISE!).

love

thought # 30- i will never compromise nail polish again

really, after experiencing the glories of expensive nail polish i will not return to the dodgy $2 bins or asian brands which are as bad as scratching the addictive scratchies my grandmother loves to buy. good quality nail polish is exactly like a great pair of fitting jeans, they look great, they feel amazing and sit in your nails/ hug your ass as if they were moulded on. i will no longer degrade nor deprive myself of the luxuries of expensive cosmetics because in this case a little more dollar actually goes a long way.

on a less superficial note, i received my atar results today and after an inital (more like whole day) disappointment i finally was happy to accept what i had and be blessed to find myself in a position where i am still eligible for any university haha. well today was spent with the favourite boy. i must say, against my sappy penchants and whims for anything mushy and idealistic, i did miss him very much. it was a lovely feeling to once again be in a position of familiarity, comfort, assurance and certainty. although things must still be conversed over, the heat, atar (including a raging mother who eventually calmed down haha) and how slightly depressing and eerie where the wild things are turned out to be (great soundtrack, amazing concept, creative, not very child-like though and quite solemn...) were iota compared to just being in the splendid, face- to- face concept of together.

to be honest, there are some days where you love the idea of singleness; whether you are in a relationship or on a temporary sojourn, the freedom and lack of responsibility, coupled with the absence of dealing from a mutual or collective perspective can be so tempting. then again, when your in a position similar to today, like teaching your favourite boy to eat sushi, laughing at his ridiculous mannerisms, feeling sweaty on a bus stop and asking... "do you still like me?" reminds me why "seeing each other" is worth being in the first place haha.

love

p.s. not relevant at all, just amusing. found it from a surfer's tumblr or something. HAHA

thought #29- where's my michael cera?

so tonight was spent engaging in another awkward, quirky, michael ceraesque film- nick and norah's inifinite playlist- which i must say was splendid, uncomfortable but sappy in totality. i think im beginning to gain a penchant for michael cera and his roles/movies which involve him as the stereotypical geeky, socially-awkward, not gorgeous but unconventionally cute male protagonist who's heart is broken then mended by another slightly left- of-centre girl with a shared commonality such as music in this case or a growing foetus (in juno) haha.

so he's not james franco, james dean, aaron johnson (and the list potentially continues perpetually) amazing, but he does have that attractive, kooky personality that i adore in boys (i know not to all haha). something that makes you ngaw uncontrollably and feel pathetic without having to gag at yourself (well not as much as the regular). so where does michael cera indulging lead to?

nothing really, except that i should urge us all to find our michael ceras in life. well if your anything like twisted old me, you wouldn't even bother with the pursuit and just wait and see. i guess this boils down to discernment. sometimes we get caught up with the momentary madness, the transitory ecstacy and the rendevouz- like fling to conveniently forget about the future. i can honestly say at this point in time, i am in this position. it feels like i am at the crux of a michael cera vs. (who's a hot jerk in a movie? can't think...) in life. and i am not merely confining this to love, but life in general.

so change may be splendid but it can also lead us to danger. sometimes we may get distracted by the flurries and hurries of our life to lose focus upon our michael ceras... the little less appealing, AWKWARD people/moments/extensions of your life. i dont know if im making sense here, probably not because as we speak i am very apprehensive about receiving my hsc marks tomorrow and moreso freaking out about the atar rank the day after. God, please help me haha.

p.s. michael cera, this post was not really about you. you were another twisted analogy. but i still think you're adorable anyway.

love

p.s. written on december 15 2009

thought # 28- the difference between maturity and man-children

is that maturity:

• is favoured and seen as a pleasant characteristic to have.
• means you can have a decent meal without your "significant other half" making spaghetti beards and finding the repeated use of dinghy in a movie ever so amusing.
• you can actually have a civilised conversation without thirty minute intervals because your other half is restless and just wants to watch people getting hurt or removing their garments.
• glues relationships for longer than how adorable or cute his antics, sneakies infront of your parents or lust for fictional virtual/comic book heroines are. 
• although it can have its cons including the possibility of becoming too serious or boring, means that you don't think life is merely some video game or based upon how many girls you can get in your pants or some meaningless cyclical state of eating, playing and complaining about your second rate shit job (some people may like that, personally i don't). 

and man children/child men:

• are the opposite. 

its not that i don't enjoy having fun. i mean from that list it must appear as if im some kill joy serious person that prefers saggy tits and dentures as opposed to youthful adventures haha. im just saying, it wouldn't kill you to acquire a sense of maturity in life. and i'm not merely confining this to men (its just another horrible analogy haha). some people should know the value of fun and maturity and balance it wisely (myself included) because you would hate to come to the sad realisation of misunderstanding "cool things to do when you're thirteen" and "cool things to do when you're thirteen but no longer applicable for twenty something year old sadcases." HAHA

before i go, nota bene this thought was in fact birthed out of today's inspiration- it wasn't as random as initially perceived. you see i saw my dear friend murray after over a year and we began to reminisce especially about the silly things we did as teenyboppers, what we learnt and what we will never do again as older people haha. it was a splendid day, missed that guy. so anyway, moral of the thought- be mature... be a man.

love

p.s. james dean, he's handsome and tragic simultaneously. oh how froth-worthy (real mature abi HAHA)

thought #27- matthew 7:21

 ²¹ "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 


lately i've been musing about this verse. and lately it feels as if i have been kicking this same verse in the dirt as if it were a mere candy wrapper tossed by some inconsiderate neanderthal. it's a frightening realisation and an even scarier revelation that this will occur in the near near future. to be honest, i'm finding it hard to follow in faith and be like jesus. i feel i've been behaving and living completely alternatively to what he has intended for me to be. its tragic and i'm beginning to really feel the distance now. actually i've been feeling the distance for awhile now since school has concluded.

i recall hearing many messages about temptation and living an ungodly lifestyle and to choose right, justice and love amidst the corruption of our world at school and thinking i may be tempted but no way, i can't imagine life not being a christian. suddenly you leave school and reality sets in like wet concrete and temptation suddenly becomes this enticing form of poison basically wherever you go. suddenly you have to make conscious decisions to say no to things that hinder our relationship with the Creator, suddenly you're no longer sheltered from the undignified world we live in. and as a human, the flesh is weak. very weak.

so this week has been a struggle, an internal spritual tug-of-war. i don't want to crash and burn altogether. i still believe in God. i still believe in the power of his name and the life that i'm called to follow. but i know that im unhinging, coming undone from the body that is supposed to keep me intact. as i write i find it sad and very embarrassing to be sharing this all. i feel so vulnerable and foolish but i'm really finding it difficult.

as much as having a good time and celebrating my youth is such a grand thing to do. i can't waste time knowing that i may call out lord only to be ignored. shit, its serious.

p.s. kyle's shindig was amazing! happy birthday again my dear friend :)

thought # 26- my feet are going to fall off

literally, i can almost feel them unhinge and segregate from the rest of my anatomy. today has been an eventful but tiring day. i am so worn out that as i write i no longer have the ability or discernment to realise if i'm making any sense as well as to simultaneously keep my eyes open. i am so sleepy, but its only 7:40pm... i'm not that pathetic am i? haha.

well today consisted of singing at glenwood high for the teachers as a short appreciation morning tea (a subtle outreach). then my first shift back at work occurred. im glad to recount that my new manager is a paragon and is very nice, that i still have got the hang of operating things and though my feet feel as swollen as if a thousand bees and insects have fed on them, i still love my job haha. three hour shifts do feel long but once i get the hang of it once again i can manage the monstrous ten hour one next saturday :S

after work kuan picked me up and we had (free) coffee at starbucks. it was lovely to finally get to talk to my skype friend in person with him actually remembering who i was haha. he remarked that i was quiet but i blame it upon my red feet and insomniac sleep of tossing, turning and awaking at least ever hour of the evening. after i arrived home and had a splendid catch up/ dnm with my mother. now i am about to pass out in fatigue, im so not used to early mornings and manual labour anymore haha.

nevertheless splendid day, thanks kuan for making me smile and not crashing the car haha.

love

p.s. this is really irrelevant to the post but jonathan rhys-meyers is gorgeous and will let me sleep well tonight haha.

p.p.s. my dear lord im so sleepy haha

thought #25- i feel a bit diffused

today doesn't feel like a particularly triumphant day. even as i write, i feel utterly drained and scattered like the sand a naughty child is attempting to blow into the eyes of their siblings. my day was relatively uneventful but emergencies hindered me from any festive feelings. now i feel worn down and in need of rest. well not physical rest because most of my week has been spent lazing, gorging and waking up during the most ridiculous hours of the afternoon but i guess spiritual/emotional rest. the many thoughts which have been stitched into my system, combined with this evening's ordeals have caused me to crave ridding myself of any negativity and qualms and to just focus on the bigger picture and the relationship with the Creator (of which i am in desperate need to address).

i need a mental holiday before i go into an emotional breakdown haha. im kidding its not that serious.
well i better go as tomorrow appears to be a busy day.

love

p.s. definitely feeling like transparent today. (thanks danise)

thought #24- there is no thought twenty four

literally, it feels like all the sarcastic humour/ blunt remarks/ abusive "wisdom"/ literary gymnastics and ranting that i usually possess (or like to think that i possess) appears to have disappeared today. i have nothing interesting to talk about, nothing happy or contemplative to share apart from my constant inhumane perspiring due to australia's summer heat.

perhaps my title is actually a lie. i think i have so many thoughts bubbling through my system that i can't seem to distinguish which thought is which. and find a reason as to why i'm thinking it. i am contemplating about something though. absence. for those who know me personally you may get what im talking about.

so i miss my favourite boy but this "miss" is not derived from any sappy/romantic/nauseating emotions of love. i miss the company, the best friend. i miss the assurance that everything is fine and that feelings are being felt and that we still aren't (i know that doesnt appear to make any sense at all but it does haha).

so factor one is absence. factor two is feelings. its not that im questioning my feelings, because i am certain of its presence. though at times it sways and i wonder if "not in that way" or "not anymore" or "not like i used too" has arrived, i know it still remains. factor three is others. not that i feel any of "those" feelings for other parties involved its just conversations with other parties have really made me think and subconciously re-evaluate the concept of my favourite boy and i. its weird. i think if it already feels like an inevitable gulf is between us already... what about next year? i dont know. its frightening and it feels like now i actually do care.

oh well, i do hope to playdate with him soon to figure this subconcious monster and kaffufle i am creating. i also hope he doesn't read this haha. until work resumes and life gets more busy than it already is,

love

p.s. feeling a little stuck lately. (thanks danise)

thought #23- the side effects of sleeplessness

i had, irrefutably, the worst sleep in the history of my human life last night. perhaps the viewing of paranormal activity last night contributed (although i must say that i was thoroughly disappointed, and far more bored and dizzy by the homemade filming than freaked out of my wits... the last few minutes were beginning to spark interest but suddenly the film concluded). this feeling can be likened to early ejaculation (haha) or for a more wholesome approach consuming peter's cookies and cream ice cream.  you feel bored, sickened, and about to give up when you suddenly hit the iota of a cookie bit and emotions of enjoyment and excitement burst within you... and suddenly you're ice cream bowl is empty. i must say the movie was a letdown but enough to get you paranoid especially between the hours of midnight to six am (which i am mostly awake and active haha).

anyway, after watching old re-runs of whose line is it anyway? to get me into a jovial mood before sleep i engaged in hours of tossing and turning and perspiring. i honestly felt i was in a fever like state. i couldn't fall asleep until about 5:30am, joy. i still don't feel so well... perhaps i need an early night to compensate. sickness has such perfect timing. this week will be busy with work, performances, presentation nights, movies and the like. hopefully i feel better tomorrow.

well my father just walked in with the dictionary turned to "ejaculation" because i checked it's spelling and now he thinks im a sexually aroused freak haha.

love

p.s. definitely feeling a little headless (thanks danise)

thought # 22- why do i love the things that i hate?

i ask this question in the light of my unceasing desire to watch paranormal activity and though i know fully well that i will most likely not be able to sleep for many many weeks (not that i sleep at all these days) and though i still haven't learnt my lesson since watching silence of the lambs at the tender age of five and not being able to sleep in my own room for the six years after ( it's not abnormal, just a vivid imagination HAHA) because i was thoroughly convinced that hannibal lector was going to consume my insides, i still want to watch it. *sigh*

perhaps it's human nature, our innate system that even though we fear something we still do it. even though we know its bad for us we still pursue. how carnal and fleshly haha. speaking of doing things that i loathe, i  could not sleep properly until 5 ish in the morning which resulted in an unproductive morning with a headache, empty stomach and apathetic mood. i cannot stand this feeling yet cannot bring myself to doze off at the normal time normal people decide to sleep. perhaps its because i'm not normal at all haha.

well to recount, ari's party was a success and it twas pleasant seeing many brilliant faces that i have not seen in so long. now the weekend is almost over and things such as work, movies, presentation night and  life comes before me. sorry i don't have much to say or any profound words or thoughts to challenge, convict and abuse haha. it's definitely the absence of sleep getting to me haha. have a splendid rest of the weekend.

love

p.s. this will definitely be making me sleep well tonight. james franco you gorgeous man.

thought #21- epiphanies are delicious

good afternoon humanity, i have awoken from my twelve hour slumber (horrible i know, ive given up sleeping times. its a method of merely waking up and sleeping these days... day, afternoon and evening are foreign concepts to me now haha) with lovely feelings i would like to share. first, i've fallen in love with a stranger who i will disclose as mr portugal from www.lookbook.nu and my friend joseph rana will probably be the only to fully comprehend this stalker/perverted/foolish frothing. gorgeous, gorgeous man he is. second, it has been on my heart to sponser a child for some time now. i believe now with my financial stability becoming a reality with work and now with my desire to no longer remain complacent, i really want to pursue this. so i was on the compassion website and i believe i have found my child. i haven't selected him yet for i have the weekend to seek, pray and decide but i really do believe i've found him. once it's official i will gush about my new child. third, i got this epiphany. not really, more like an idea that excited me haha. after watching the official trailer for the adorable mockumentary paper heart starring the cute and awkward michael cera and an asian comedian by the name of charlyne yi i was compelled to write a book/short story/script... to be honest the medium is still unknown. i'm finally getting inspired to write again, hoorah! the creativity drought has been broken.

i will go into details when details have been made. now i shall go to dry my tangled locks and ready myself before ari's 18th shindig tonight. it shall be grand.

love

p.s. out on dvd jan 13 in australia. cosy night in with a skeptic and romantic? wait that sounds familiar haha.

thought # 20- i don't like using my brain

when i don't need to. let me elaborate. lately things have occurred, which for the sake of dignity and confidentiality of those involved i will disclose, which have made me think. ponder, muse, brood... however you like to describe the process that occurs when one person says something that makes you doubt/question/re-think fragments of your life, relationships and the quotidian routine. it's not a bad thing of course, however, sometimes it causes you to look back to things which have remained dormant or lacked attention for quite some time.

sometimes its not something you desire to face at this point in life, but sometimes it must be done. similarly to having to take cough medicine which tastes like a sugary version of ass and can make you vomit at the sickening feeling it summons. though the remedy is foul it must be done to avoid a small cold from emerging into a mess of an illness. i believe "these thoughts" i've been experiencing lately are exactly that. a slap in the face and a far deeper look into reality.

to be honest these thoughts are not something which i personally desire to experience. for me it feels like i have to deal with things that i don't need to deal with. then i begin to overanalyse and feel like i'm trying to find a solution to a situation or relationship in life which was never a problem in the first place. but in my case right now "these thoughts" have come to my advantage. it has actually made me re-evaluate and thus value the relationships that i do have and it has once again reminded me of what i desire to do in the future and what i want out of life and what i must do. so i guess these circumstances arise like a double edged sword. they can internally slice and hack through things that could cause permanent damage, but on the other hand they can heal and create worth for things that have been taken for granted. so i encourage everyone, once you get that thought, use it to remind yourself of why you live, who you love and what is most important to your transitory existence haha.

apologies if this didn't make sense at all, its still processing in my mind as we speak haha.

love

p.s. i couldn't find a brain on a platter (literally) but this is a splendid picture. (courtesy of http://slightlybored.tumblr.com/)

thought # 19- i'm a failure

at keeping promises relating to anything regarding my sleeping patterns. i profess i am an insomniac and i probably need help but my laziness is hindering me from ever going professional haha. so i awoke at a horrible almost 3pm today, which makes me feel like the day has already eradicated and i feel sloth- like and utterly disgusting. to be honest, the remaining hours of the day in which i spent being awake are a mere blur except for attending powerhouse for the first time. i must say the atmosphere is soooo different but i personally adored it. it was very laid-back, quiet, mature and pleasant. i think i shall be enjoying wednesday evenings in the company of 18-25 year olds haha. that being said, i truly do miss wildlife and the ecstatic, craziness that occurs (i will attempt to visit whenever i gain the opportunity). its quite odd having friday nights free for once. it almost feels like i should be at this non-existent gathering that i am creating subconsciously as part of my routine week haha. but now i should be happy to have friday nights free to engage in other things... such as watching movies!

my goodness this summer has blossomed with an incredible line up of movies. some of the following im intending to see include:

• iheart movie.
• where the wild things are.
• zombieland.
• bright star (i think its called that).
• nowhere boy.
• moonlight cinemas and drive-ins

i cannot wait to turn into a squared film whore. i am beyond excited. until next time my dear friends,

love

p.s. the summer playdate. second row: myself. tenth/eleventh row: favourite boy haha.

(thanks danise)

thought # 18- i feel empowered when speaking to my computer

on a camera of course. not the mere inanimate object that it is (though i secretly indulge in conversing to things which i know will never respond and thus secure my victory in every arguement). there really is something hilariously self-centred, amusing and fun ranting, laughing and singing in front of a camera knowing very well that a fragment of your life and an excerpt into your personal world is being recorded for all to see, scrutinise and hopefully appreciate. this is what my dear friend joseph rana and i decided to fill our afternoon with. we recorded a request for the youtube channel i still wonder why i have in the first place, before having watched a sappy ( but not sappy or sad enough due to the survival of the female protagonist in the movie...) old school film called love affair.

in between self-controlled gorging and chatter regarding love, life and all it encompasses, we decided to have an impromptu jamming session, involving made-up riffs and spontaneous rhymes. it was delightful and fun and moreso pathetic through each song we started but never seemed to conclude. i must say today was delightful. sadly though i was called for work in the morning but due to my prior commitment, i could not attend to my manager's desperation in needing someone to cover. i hope she really did, i feel guilty... sorry :(  nevertheless, i shall end today's ramble here. far more shorter than usual but there is not much to share. i am excited about powerhouse tomorrow eve! my first one, i shall let you all know.

love

p.s. we evidently made alot of noise today haha. (another masterpiece of http://otarie.tumblr.com)