thought #215- these are my sheep

nonsensical quizzes i mean.


1. the person i like and why i like them. 
i've never stopped liking this person. why? well he's one of those kinds of people you only meet once in life and find no replica for. one of those people who make your insides burst at just the thought, who makes you laugh, who is profound yet simple. someone who'll love you for what you are and even what you aren't. someone lovely in every dimension and sense of the word.
2. a famous person i’ve been compared to.
alexa chung. definitely not because we look alike. i think my obsession/ lust for her just mangles my dna. 
3. 5 things that irritate me about the same sex/opposite sex.
mixed signals, double standards when it comes to infidelity, they get upset/sensitive over things you don't think they'd be upset over, caring too much or too little and forgetting things that should be remembered.
4. the best thing that has happened to me this week.
bumping into someone unexpectedly.
5. weird things i do when i’m alone.
karaoke and talk to myself.
6. how i’d spend ten thousand bucks.
 save half then take a trip to europe.
7. things i like and things i don’t like about the way i look.
like- my shoulders, neck and freckles. dislike- my nose, arms and legs
8. my last night out in detail.
melbourne. copious amounts of alcohol. danced. fine. shots of absinthe. not so fine. puked in bathroom. returned to dancefloor. puked on table. hunky stranger to the rescue. sat down and drank water. hunky stranger paid for cab back to hotel. puked in elevator. got to room. puked some more. woke up with worst hangover to date. end of story.
9. something that makes me sad when i think about it.
not speaking to people i used to be so close with at a point in my life anymore.  
10. something i’ve lied about.
that i'm fine when i'm not.
11. would i rather be stranded on a desert island with someone i love for ten years or someone i hate for a month? explain why.
someone i love for ten years. it would feel like a month in their company than someone you hate for a month because it would feel like ten years.
12. something i’m currently worrying about.
the future
13. one person i'd throw off a cliff, one i’d marry and one i’d fuck.
cliff- the taliban. marry- michael cera. fuck- freja ericson, francisco lachowski or julian casablancas' voice.
14. something i do without realising.
slouch and be awkward
15. lyrics that apply to my current situation/mood.
"when the truth is that i miss you/i should have never let you go."  
16. a drunken story.
refer to number 8
17. something i regret.
no regrets 
18. post a picture of myself.

 
19. my longest relationship and who it was with.
honestly i've never really been in a relationship. i mean i've had my share of highschool boyfriends and playground loves but i'm yet to find "my first". i came close with this amazing boy towards the final years of highschool but i got scared and failed to see what was in my hands. so i screwed it up. this is how life goes i guess. 
20. press ctrl v and post.
alexa 
21. post a bit of my last IM convo.
nighty! have a safe and fun trip there! xx
22. 5 things i want to change.
my absence of Ps, better grades, better health, my relationship with the Creator, my priorities.
23. my view on being tumblr famous.
kudos to them.
24. someone i’d like to be for a day and why.
the president of a country or a celebrity (standard answer for standard reasons).
25. 5 things within touching distance.
laptop, phone, $20 bill, hand sanitiser, tissues
26. story of my first kiss.
i was probably in year seven or eight. it was spin the bottle. i was awkward and it was very forgettable.

thought #92- sweet nothings

according to a close source i am supposedly chill. i am yet to decipher what that exactly means but i hope, apart from the laziness and procrastination it alludes to, it is a positive attribute to possess haha. in the busyness of humanity and the constant motion of our world, i always thought it would be lovely to have someone to do nothing with. someone who shared the same philosophy when it came to unforced, non-pressuring company. it is so easy to take for granted rest, the pause of mind and soul, times where stillness is actually more beneficial than progress. in a society that stresses over systematic achievements, and obsesses over getting everything done and fitting birth, growing up and death in 24 hours, i truly value times where you feel nonchalant, placid and lovely.

where you can sit on a couch for a ridiculous amount of time and yet in the milieu of hectic-ness, where people are graduating literally before our eyes, be absolutely content with the person by your side. and need nothing to entertain but the delightful awkward moments and momentary ogles and an inability to hide one's patheticness. i dont know if you've ever experienced such a moment. it makes you liquefy a little inside. and so i guess what i am trying to say, if there is any real meaning behind today's thought, is that it is not a crime to want to indulge in a little nothing. enjoy the absence of that busy, busy, busy lifestyle we are forced to conform. i mean theres always a time for everything yes, but do not forget to pause once in awhile and appreciate the goodness of life.

and so i've always thought it would be nice to find someone that you can like simply because. to like him more without reasons, because you can like him in the nothingness, peaceful and stillness of this quotidian routine which we call life.

i think i may have found that person.

love,

ps. i like this picture. sleep + lovers = sweet nothings.

thought #46- years don't die. they just grow up.

as my lovely friend annelise holwerda once wrote on my facebook, i can wholeheartedly agree with this statement as 2010 begins to blossom and change, change and more change moulds my world. it feels my days are likened to clay at the potter's wheel. cheesy, hallmark-like simile but it does feel that so much has altered and is altering and being examined, analysed, discarded and refined. it's almost scary, being in such a vulnerable position but i guess this year is the perfect time to do so. the time where you are no longer a child and where the future is much more closer than you once intended it. where independence is at your grasp and where big decisions surpass which party to go to on the weekend and whether to do that math homework or not (how i miss the simplicity of secondary schooling haha).

suddenly you are faced with life. frightening haha. well i guess all this profound talk was spurred by todays happenings in which i enrolled at uts straight after work with kuan. it was a brilliant day amidst confusing timetable selections, the awkward weather and even awkward train ride with an old man rocking back and forth behind us. we encountered strangers (random abc radio lady questioning my opinions regarding virginity and tony abbott haha) and friends (e.g. eugene the random) and whoever is defined by the status in between.  after being dropped off by kuan, i returned home tired but fighting the desire to nap seeing as it is powerhouse soon and i am adamant to battle laziness and attend. my day concludes here and so i return to the glories of technology, pondering about the subject which has been in my mind for the past week or so now- past, present, future.

love,

ps. cute picture, and yes i know it has no relevance to the entry haha.
pps. this reminded me of playing super mario on matty's iphone! i miss you, new unexpected friend haha.

thought #35- i want totoro as my neighbour

no offence to the neighbours i currently have. they're pretty great. but nothing compares to a giant bear/monster/animal sort of thing that converses in roars, can take you on a flight in the middle of the night, dances to the growth of trees and has a cat for a bus. sorry but there is no comparison haha. i spent my new years day watching my neighbour totoro if you hadn't already guessed and i must say i enjoyed lazing and recuperating after an eventful new years eve.

before i continue HAPPY NEW YEAR! i am so glad, excited, slightly afraid but expectant for all the experiences, memories and moments that life will bring as the beginning of another decade occurs. 2010 will be a splendid year, i have a good inkling haha. well onto recounting last night. a few of the favourites spent new years at the astle residence and it was great to chatter and see familiar faces once again. after receiving me imported, amazing christmas present from my amazing man jason tam (you have fufilled my dreams of having a large-scaled face of julian casablancas' hanging from my ceiling haha) we responsibly downed some champagne and chardonnay (well responsibly is very relative but i can safely say i was more sober than not this new years! haha) and sat with our "lung killers" by the pool talking about life, love and the future.

after kuan and i dropped the birthday boy, eugene grey, back home and raced back to maddie's before 12. although we missed the countdown we had 30 sec to spare so it was all good. we returned with my two best friends in their "i'm not drunk just tipsy" condition and a poor jason who was left alone with them HAHAHA. kuan and i got a little shut eye before the remainder joined us in maddie's room where slumber was contagious and almost all of us fell asleep (the dog snuggled with me haha). i left around 2:30ish and slept until 1pm, tired, my hands and room smelling suspiciously of smoke but grateful for the events of last year.

i can only hope that 2010 is just as exciting haha. well that was pretty much all that occured. now im awaiting to watch centre stage for the 750927th time and continue in my lazy, quiet and brilliant new years day.

love

p.s. we should have taken pictures :( haha

thought # 22- why do i love the things that i hate?

i ask this question in the light of my unceasing desire to watch paranormal activity and though i know fully well that i will most likely not be able to sleep for many many weeks (not that i sleep at all these days) and though i still haven't learnt my lesson since watching silence of the lambs at the tender age of five and not being able to sleep in my own room for the six years after ( it's not abnormal, just a vivid imagination HAHA) because i was thoroughly convinced that hannibal lector was going to consume my insides, i still want to watch it. *sigh*

perhaps it's human nature, our innate system that even though we fear something we still do it. even though we know its bad for us we still pursue. how carnal and fleshly haha. speaking of doing things that i loathe, i  could not sleep properly until 5 ish in the morning which resulted in an unproductive morning with a headache, empty stomach and apathetic mood. i cannot stand this feeling yet cannot bring myself to doze off at the normal time normal people decide to sleep. perhaps its because i'm not normal at all haha.

well to recount, ari's party was a success and it twas pleasant seeing many brilliant faces that i have not seen in so long. now the weekend is almost over and things such as work, movies, presentation night and  life comes before me. sorry i don't have much to say or any profound words or thoughts to challenge, convict and abuse haha. it's definitely the absence of sleep getting to me haha. have a splendid rest of the weekend.

love

p.s. this will definitely be making me sleep well tonight. james franco you gorgeous man.