Apologies for the absence of presence these last few weeks! London town has been such an amazing experience so far. I already don't want to leave and it's only been a week and a half into the start of the semester! I can anticipate more crazy shenanigans, late nights studying and partying hard. Everyone in the flat is lovely and it feel real homey and fam which helps cure the homesickness to an extent. So to recount last night's fresher party was insane. Copious amounts of alcohol which resulted in a lack of toilet bowl to the head was actually quite surprising. Everything else that went down was also quite surprising. Apart from my ridiculous hour sleep and 9-5 Uni the next day of utter torture, I had a great night. I'll be honest the shit that went down last night has left me in a strange state. I'm not exactly happy or sad nor regretful or brooding I guess it's just a lot to process especially at how sudden things came about. I mean ideally I wish it wasn't as careless and indifferent and perhaps if feelings were involved it would of been better (but also worse) but I guess that's how things pan out. I don't know about the other party but I hope we get to a place of mutual understanding about things and realise that it's all part of the life learning experience. Right now I feel run down by my lifestyle of late and I'm actually looking forward to a chill weekend of just zoning out and getting away from it all. I just hope things don't escalate or disappear into awkward nothingness because I don't think I can deal with a semester of it. I definitely did miss home and suddenly felt vulnerable after last night which was very out of character. It feels like I've been very mature and emotionless about the situation but inside I'm about to burst. I think at that point I did wish I was in the company of close friends, family and familiarity. But I mean life goes on and things change and at the end of the day it's only awkward, bad or weird if you both make it to be so I'm just going to take it as it comes and not feel pressured to make sudden decisions over brash actions. I mean if it was up to me I wish I could say I felt happy about the situation and moment but I think it was more of an eye opener about what I actually want in life and who I am. It really stretched my moral boundaries & I hope one day I can look back on it more fondly or at least with a sense that there's a purpose for everything, a time and place to be feeling the way you are and that one day you can make the deal and you'll realise then that it was worth the wait.
Love,
