thought #74- not today, not tomorrow

tomorrow i will:

1. awake at not exactly 8:00am. groan, stumble and shower.
2. wait at my bus stop, disguise my fatigue through sunglasses (regardless of the sun or cloud), cringe at old men who slow down their vehicles or beep and curse at the lateness of my bus.
3. board my train from blacktown, fight to get a window seat and simultaneously sleep and brood until i reach strathfield/redfern.
4. attend my marketing tutorial (now without the fear of knowing where i am going). wait at the door momentarily because i am five minutes early and perhaps greet the beautiful, trendy girl who stood next to me last week.
5. power walk from building 5 to 4 whilst eating a form of bar or fruit.
6. attend my marketing lecture. skimming and perving throughout the whole 2hr period. perhaps sit near mr polo and muscles and once again pay no attention.
7. leave university and board a train to town hall. meet up with gracie and chatter about life, love and the regular.
8. enter joh baileys at myer city and finally get my break up hair cut.
9. can either result in fitfulls of tears and regret as i leave in utter disappointment or smile in triumph. HAHA

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

10. forget how shit you make me feel, ignore my patheticness, feign i don't care for the 9597590475th time. move on.

love,

ps. i rediscovered this randomly on my own computer. circa 2008. the cleopatra wig haha. 

thought #62- say what you need to say

i apologise for the absence of my daily entries of life, love and the shit that i get up to on a daily and banal basis haha. it finally appears i have an excuse and i have come to notice that productivity is a far greater severer of social ties than boredom and laziness. this past week has been occupied with other jealous priorities from university orientation days, work, friperie, friends, gigs and all sorts of random days/events.

for a hacked, shortened and brief recount of events, orientation on friday was splendid. it was the first time i have woken up at 6am in a long, long time. it was also the first time i had to run for a bus. my goodness, my little unfit legs and clear drowsiness from a sleepless night was a lovely combination to start my day as a soon to be official university student haha. after momentarily losing my co-ordinates between town hall and central, i engaged in a quick breakfast and an equally quick perve at the school boys congregating near maccas haha.

after i caught a train to central and engaged in a lazy trek towards uts (temporarily pausing for a caffeine fix... i was dying haha). being sandwiched by thousands of students had both its positive pros (subtle perving, gorgeous people, potential lovers, strangers who are soon to be friends etc.) and negative cons (getting caught whilst subtly perving, gorgeous people who are so intimidating, potential lovers with amazing girlfriends and potential heartbreakers, strangers soon to be enemies etc. haha) nevertheless the experience and the uni was grand and i am oh so excited and expectant at what this year will bring. i feel like im in year 7 again, a little lost and overwhelmed but hoping for nothing but the best.

this wed is my last shift at betts until i decide to christmas casual it next year. im slightly saddened but hopeful that i will find a replacement job soon. im praying that people call immediately as my poverty-stricken university student status is looming and freaking me out haha. i know parents will provide, as lovely and amazing as they are, but the extra income would definitely not hurt.  speaking of extra income, friperie is opening oh so soon. i am beyong excited and hope that the idea will hit off with everyone! the extended garage sale is the only fun and semi-brilliant thing that i've come up with since origami cranes and insane individuals haha. so yes i know you must be sick of my self-advertising but please check the website out and tell everyone about it!

so that is the brief revelations of my life as we speak. anything social is being fuelled by brief coffee/shopping/movie playdates with lovelies however the start of university can only mean shortened freedom and more behavioural management theories and accounting equations to think about *sigh* haha. the love life is terribly unattractive as we speak haha. it is this horrible concoction of loneliness, uncertainty, wants, rewinds,  fast forwards, flattened expectations, hopefulness, pulverising of the heart and patheticness.  i only wonder when the straight forward will shine its little face on me and hope to learn how to not be affected by disappointment. essentially, id like to learn indifference. to save myself from believing things could be mutual...

oh well. on with life, friperie in two days!!! thats all i needed to say haha.

love,

ps. found this brilliant photo on my friend's facebook. for stalker purposes i shall leave him anonymous, but yes. what a lovely piece of art.

thought #46- years don't die. they just grow up.

as my lovely friend annelise holwerda once wrote on my facebook, i can wholeheartedly agree with this statement as 2010 begins to blossom and change, change and more change moulds my world. it feels my days are likened to clay at the potter's wheel. cheesy, hallmark-like simile but it does feel that so much has altered and is altering and being examined, analysed, discarded and refined. it's almost scary, being in such a vulnerable position but i guess this year is the perfect time to do so. the time where you are no longer a child and where the future is much more closer than you once intended it. where independence is at your grasp and where big decisions surpass which party to go to on the weekend and whether to do that math homework or not (how i miss the simplicity of secondary schooling haha).

suddenly you are faced with life. frightening haha. well i guess all this profound talk was spurred by todays happenings in which i enrolled at uts straight after work with kuan. it was a brilliant day amidst confusing timetable selections, the awkward weather and even awkward train ride with an old man rocking back and forth behind us. we encountered strangers (random abc radio lady questioning my opinions regarding virginity and tony abbott haha) and friends (e.g. eugene the random) and whoever is defined by the status in between.  after being dropped off by kuan, i returned home tired but fighting the desire to nap seeing as it is powerhouse soon and i am adamant to battle laziness and attend. my day concludes here and so i return to the glories of technology, pondering about the subject which has been in my mind for the past week or so now- past, present, future.

love,

ps. cute picture, and yes i know it has no relevance to the entry haha.
pps. this reminded me of playing super mario on matty's iphone! i miss you, new unexpected friend haha.

thought # 37- i'm a university admirer

as in i have a feeling ill be one of those sad little nerds who will live, breathe and thrive in the glories of tertiary study and find excitement over lectures, handsome strangers who walk past daily, coffee and lunch dates with old friends and new ones and the liberty of no uniform and hair regulations. i have a feeling i will never really get over the university phase haha.

i can affirm this thought whilst walking through usyd's prodigious campus and feeling utterly at home. poor kuan and mads who had to witness my excitement and share in my jubilation to be at a mock lecture. thank you both for coming with me. i love you my favourites who put up with my nerdy self. regardless if usyd will be my university (for first year anyway) i am beyond excited at finally beginning life after high school and expectant at what this year will birth and bring.

so yesterday's much tiring but splendid day involved meeting with kuan at blacktown, in which we unexpectedly bumped into ced on the way to work. after never finding mads on the train we eventually sighted her at central and began our walk to uts. the straightforward trip was interrupted (on a good note) by the darling josh baissari who was also on his way to uts. after collecting our freebies as is always an advantage, we caught the free bus to syd uni and after momentarily getting lost and shotgunning each other to ask questions, we managed to attend the business lecture and collect information etc.

we went to lunch at a korean bbq thanks to kuan and enjoyed our meal like tourists haha. we waited for the bus to unsw but unfortunately this never arrived and out of boredom, tire and a compulsion to shop and consume gelato we decided to go to town hall and go to qvb. we went to myer and spent a ridiculous amount of time dnming on a couch made of grass... this was without a doubt a highlight of our whole adventure. after mads bought her gelato (relationship therapy) and headed home. after mads left us at westmead, kuan and i continued to blacktown where we had boost and waited for his mother.

after being thankfully dropped off by kuan's mother, i arrived back home with aching legs, much information and my mind decided and set upon which university. hence the conclusion of my day haha. over all the day was splendid, hot, intriguing, educational haha and grand.

love

p.s. once again we should of taken photos!