thought #98- if it's too good to be true

then it probably is. perhaps i'm just being paranoid, perhaps it's the annoying presence of winter weather, perhaps university is scrunching its fists with my tired self within its contents, perhaps i'm just being fucking pathetic... this week has been a struggle. im in such a terrible mood. one that is situated between the indents of sadness, fear, apathy, selfishness, nonchalance and pessimism. perhaps i should pray about it, im ashamed to say i haven't done that in awhile. our dnm is long overdue.

lately i have been brooding over things. many things. from the paltry details to the very fabric of existence. it feels like the motion of all that has been occurring is overwhelming yet exciting, unexpected yet euphoric, terrifying yet pleasant. it feels like i've been encased in this irony. people, places, things and moments all appear foreign but amazing. prior to the arrival of this craptastic phase, life was relatively great. yet i cannot help but feel sceptic about it all. frightened perhaps that things are going too well and life is going too great that there is bound to be the gravitational catalyst which pulls us all down and breaks as all apart. i refrain from being too happy, too attached, too hopeful, too expectant. i don't want to suffocate the nothing we have. i don't want to ruin anything with assumption. but one can only give me a break to think that i fear you will get sick/bored of me, i fear that this is only transitory, i fear that this isn't just a phase, i fear i will be forever fearing.

perhaps i've just forgotten how to relax. all this uncertainty is unhealthy.
perhaps...

love,

ps. i like this photo. if life had a shape what would it be?