thought# 79- the end has no end

don't you ever feel like things in love (and most definitely lust ha!) are a mere vicious cycle of friends, strangers, lovers? don't you just loathe thinking i've finally gotten over him or things no longer affect me and then suddenly something will distract and obstruct and position you into that crumbling wreck you were before? sometimes its for a horrible taunt. sometimes its merely to tease you towards the reality that you may have carelessly thrown away something priceless in your life for the ephemeral pleasures of youth, impulsiveness and selfishly experiencing the world. in some cases it is also a wake up call, to remind oneself of the pathetic path of destruction they are following.

i guess this concept came to me suddenly when i saw former favourite boy last evening. although i was happy to see his lovely self once again it dawned upon me that although we have been removed from the awkward, frustrating phase of being strangers and finally back on the sojourn as friends i knew that even if i wanted to be lovers again (im not saying anything more. i know im the queen of subtlety but i shall leave it at this haha) that it would no longer rest on my own failing whims and foolish desires. that it would all settle upon the shoulders of time and co-operation. i guess it also made me cherish, realise things i did not for awhile especially nearing the conclusion of 2009.

so where will the cycle end? i am yet to find out. i just know that in life it is necessary for things to cease. like being immature, or that packet a day habit, or gorging to replace your failed romantic fantasies haha sometimes its better to not even muse over such matters. im just hoping that when the cycle ends, it'll halt at where i was hoping it would.

love,

ps. EFF STORY OF MY LIFE! haha