i think we’ve become so accustomed to “almosts” in life that we fail to recall or value the worth of wholehearted, completeness. we’ve become so comfortable in being almost lovers, almost friends, almost graduated, almost an adult, almost committed, almost here. in between the crux of closeness and half-heartedness.
most of the time we’re not even conscious of this. as if its some part of unspoken tradition, an unknown culture. its normal to not give yourself all away. its the sane thing to do right? why would you ever give all you are to something that may rip you apart in the end (not to be so cynical haha). i think ive personally become so used to the almost attitude in life that when i suddenly want to give myself totally to aspects of life i feel unfamiliar, frightened, not right.
but that’s how we are called to live. i guess we could settle for being almost anything and lose the value of completeness. i guess we could preoccupy ourselves by being half-assed. i guess we could be fine being so close to being so close yet forever being taunted by the unknown, undiscovered distance between almost and there. so next time you fall in love, next time you want to succeed, next time you want to give flesh, bone, heart and brain, be prepared for the heartbreak, disappointment and maybe "not quites". be prepared to know that if you give your all you may not get it all back in return. but that’s the only way to love and exist. i mean you are human after all, you're not supposed to have everything intact, you're not supposed to know togetherness in your carnal, mortal nature. but at least you can walk away, get hurt, toughen your skin and learn wisdom, see that you were made for something much more than yourself, without having to ever say “ i almost got there.”
love,
ps. almost.
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