thought #70- i don't expect anything

so my day was a concoction of bitter humidity, perpetual bus rides, puking behind the loved up couple in the front seat, shattering the anti socialism and meeting new friends, falling asleep in my economics lecture, walking past mr ralph lauren polo model (aka my stranger crush), impromptu shopping at market city, meeting up with mads, consuming gloria jeans whilst talking about the past, present and future, being loner at the library, visiting a five star hotel with father, feeling smitten by the adorable office boy reading "enriching your prayer life," sitting adjacent to me on the bus home and everything that lies in between. it was particularly eventful yet only one thing (apart from my battle with slumber) stuck with me until this very minute i find myself tapping away at the subconscious beatings of my little, confused and slightly marred heart- expectations.

i mean expectations have lingered since the day you were conscious of hope, however, i find that this transitional, important time in my life where things are beginning to change, new atmospheres, new relationships, turning eighteen etc etc. has caused me to pay greater attention to the expectations i have conjured regarding this present moment of life. since forever, i have had dreams or pathetic little visions of what i thought life after school would look like. some having been fulfilled, others yet to be seen. and then others have been nothing but surprising disappointments (refer to my thought regarding disappointment).

i guess the thing with expectation is that you must be prepared for both the fulfilment and failure. sadly i was too focused on the optimism and forgot that life doesn't revolve around the accordances of my plans but under His.' nevertheless you can't erase the people you thought you could still call friends, the places you thought you would visit regularly, the days you would still find familiarity with. you expect them to be all part of your life, then suddenly change in its rude, interrupting yet almost always needed time arrives and your expectations are left like discarded gum stuck to one's shoe.

i guess the moral of this all is not to turn you off expectations. be expectant, life is not for the lazy. existence is. but when things don't go your way or how you hoped it to be don't lose heart. things will get better in time. its all in time. the worst that you could do now is never get up from such a disheartening blow or to declare over everything that is important to you "i don't expect anything."

love,

ps. not really relevant to the story, but this did make me miss school and hsc advanced english HAHA