thought #118- warning sign

so i purchased another one of my favourite films today for seven bones. such a good bargain for such a brilliant film. armed with subway cookies and a glass of spumante, i watched it again. its funny how you can watch a film a million times and yet feel a different emotion or receive a dissimilar revelation every time. its amusing how circumstances, situation, age and life can mould any film into somehow being relevant for you. even if you arent an almost 30 year old, scared of commitment and about to have a baby with your girlfriend you just fucked over for a hot college student (brief recap there haha).

its lovely to think that the first time you watched this movie, you couldn't relate because you were only fifteen and no boy or the notion of love, sex and marriage ever rose to the occasion. and then its even crazier to think that the third time you watched it you were seventeen and the boy you adored, adored you back and any fears were dispelled by the fact that things were great. just great. and now you're watching it for perhaps nearing the tenth time as an eighteen year old thinking that long term commitment is not dawning anywhere soon and that perhaps your feeling a little distorted now but its nothing close to how the people in the film are dealing with... you can't help but still relate.

i couldn't help but see things in the film that somehow made me question things in my existence. the way you can hurt someone you love and still have enough love to forgive them. the belief that if you both want it to work it will work. the reality that things can end, and as flawless as your past was it can never be a certain indication of the future. learning from mistakes, giving into temptation, consequences of stupid actions, how to gain broken trust. and most importantly what the fuck is love? i mean yes they were all themes of the film... but the deeper, profound things really surfaced.

i guess it just came to me, suddenly i wasnt just that girl watching her favourite not quite a love story film about a bunch of decisions. suddenly i was watching it from the angle of a female being wondering the capabilities of human beings. the way we can fall in love and lust and hate and fear simultaneously. suddenly it made me think why do we bother to open our chests out and say "here's my heart, have fun" knowing very well that it isn't permanent? then suddenly you see through jenna's folks that thirty years of marriage and a wife who cheated doesn't equate to perfection, but it did mean so much more than their hearts. i guess it was the answer to why we bother. why we love.

because (call me crazy this is just my own unphilosophical or unmedically supported theory)  i secretly believe we are fashioned to only one person. we will love many. but only fall in love once. there will only be one person for us, regardless if your a polygamist haha. and we bother so much because we want that one person. that one person that is not much different from the last person we were with or think we should be. the only difference lies in that one ordinary person, is the answer to the question where is my love in human form?

love,

ps. this song is from the movie. its on repeat in my head... :S
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8oTT9r9978