thought #254- nothing appears as it seems

just because i feel ready doesn't mean it's time and just because you were nice to me for one night, one moment, one week, doesn't mean you're a nice person at all and just because i think it's right doesn't necessarily mean it isn't wrong. just because you have a good life and lots of pretty things and a privileged existence doesn't mean you have the right. and just because you're beautiful externally doesn't mean you have a heart to match. just because i made a mistake doesn't mean i think you are one. just because i appear fine and unaffected and nonchalant in your presence doesn't mean it's not chaotic in the brain and the heart. just because you promised doesn't mean you won't tell and just because i care now doesn't mean i'll care forever. just because you can't say how you feel doesn't mean you're not feeling anything at all and just because i think you're immature and insecure doesn't mean i don't think you'll grow and find who you are in the future. just because we met under unfortunate circumstances doesn't mean meeting you was unfortunate. just because i'm hurt now, doesn't mean i'll never cease to be hurt. just because we can't be friends doesn't mean i never considered you to be one. just because i let you see my weaknesses doesn't mean i don't know my strengths. just because it's hard doesn't give you the right to think i'm easy. just because you're fucked up doesn't mean you will be perpetually. just because i couldn't love you doesn't mean i hated you. just because i'm saying goodbye now doesn't mean i'll never say hello again. just because i want to break your heart sometimes doesn't mean i don't want to mend it. just because you don't know who you are doesn't justify why you thought you had me all figured out. just because i feel ready doesn't mean it's time.

love,

thought #89- just because

you know those splendid just because days? those days in which we chortle to ourselves at nothing in particular, sigh at nonsense and smile at inanimate objects as if they too can wholeheartedly understand how you feel? those days where you can say you are happy. not pathetic. not asleep; clearly aware and awake but happy because some sort of clarity has been found? ever experienced the fleeting moments where one melts internally but gives nothing away and moments where you wish time would co operate and unwind just so the day would last longer? have you ever felt like you were starring into someone's soul and you only look away because you are afraid of letting them in, but deep inside you are more than willing to throw a stone inside, splinter the divide and enter inside? have you ever just thought to yourself what are we doing? where are we going? what are we playing? only to allow no other question or over analysation hinder and wreck whatever is present?

you know those days where it takes no epiphany but once you know, you know? you know that feeling where you don't want to say love, or you don't want to frighten or you don't want to give yourself away merely because you're afraid of rejection but then things go pleasantly and you see no reason to rush? you know those days where you wish to repeat? you know that feeling of being grateful for what you presently have? you know that assurance that things will be fine, despite not knowing all the details or knowing the extent of what anyone truly feels? you know the feeling where you don't want to frighten but you want to be honest? you know those days where you can sleep at night, stare at the ceiling and be glad that the day took place?

today was one of those days.

love,

ps. love this movie, it's synonymous with these kind of days haha.