Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
now don't get me wrong i'm not seething anymore. neither do i feel torn anymore. you're honestly the only person i could think of that hurt me "recently." i never enjoy dwelling on the nasty, depressing bits of the past but i wish i could totally understand how and why it all fell apart. i wish i could pinpoint the moment it went from fun to frustration. but i really can't. there's so many questions i have. but i've stopped seeking the answers. i mean for what reason?
honestly i still have days where i'm bickering with my head and heart. i still incidentally recall things that remind me of you. i don't mean to be nostalgic. it just happens. sometimes i am struck with false hope. then i wake up the next day and realise if it's meant to be we would be together and since it isn't i am just content to be where i stand.
because of you i've learnt (the hard way) to guard my heart. to you it may never have been a big deal. i don't hold you against it. at the end of the day we both wanted different things. i've surpassed feelings of self-sympathy, blind rage and bitterness. i just wish you well. i hope you find happiness but never at the expense of another person's heart.
this will hopefully be the last time i allow my heart to reign over logic. i guess i could hope for karma, or for you to realise the extent of your actions. but once again for what? what will it benefit? i still want to be friends, despite everything. because i did meet an amazing soul. i just got momentarily blinded. but with everything being said, and with as much grace and optimism i can give. if you were to ever pulverise my heart again, i would be the fool to blame for letting you do so. and maybe its then i know its safer to leave just as quickly as i came into your life and you into mine.
love,
abi.
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