thought # 96- the replacements

i think it is within our innate, subconscious humanity that whenever things conclude in life, we are inclined to replace that lover, best friend, profession, high school glory with someone or something else. its never a deliberate intention, to squeeze and attempt to cut people and situations into a mould we know deep down can only fit one but it usually ends up this way. and suddenly we find ourselves in a conflicting situation in which one party finds themselves hurt to know that they are inadequate to be a substitute and the other knows very well that no one can take his/her/that space.

and so who is to blame? well technically neither. we have just grown accustomed to this practice of secretly hoping that perhaps this person will be the one to fill the void, heal the wound, clean the shit and erase any internal feelings i have for that other person/thing. ever since we were young, we have been taught through the mindset that things can always be replaced. a broken toy, a pulverised window, for fuck's sake even a human heart can be replaced by technology (temporarily). and so when things fall apart we are nimble to seek for our replacement.

but maybe, what if we ceased thinking that people we meet in the future and moments in our existence were not just replacements? that they were not present in our world to merely succeed the rotten past or stand in as the bigger and better model. what if we saw them as not a replacement but simply for they are. not the "new boy who will be better than my ex boyfriend" not the "new boss that won't screw me over this position" not the "new best friend that won't back stab me in the dark..."

but simply the new boy that i am willing to get to know and let into the chambers and depths of my mind and heart, to not replace but create something new. simply the new boss that i am willing to listen and obey and see where this job will take me. simply the new best friend that i am willing to give and take and trust. don't get me wrong, im not saying to forget wisdom. neither am i saying rip apart your heart and give it to anyone you see. i just mean if you keep comparing or thinking that every person you meet is a replacement of the person you want them to be, then you may miss out on the whole point. you may miss out on the unique, special, newness that this person may actually bring into your life. and it may be in fact exactly what you need now and not what you once thought you desired.

love,

ps. random beautiful photo of the day.

genesis

to be honest, i am laughing whilst writing this. i cannot help but feel that i have once again caved into the cyber world of sharing irrelevant details of my life without a clue of who will consider it as having some worth. i believe i have grown a penchant for writing blogs, i began long ago in 2005, at the tender age of 13... believing that my ranting would or could possibly encourage/impact/verbally abuse strangers and friends. and so i enter another beginning, the start of many starts which i have started... but seemed to never conclude.

i only have one aim for this blog, i wish to see it finished. when? how? i am yet to decide; i would merely like the satisfaction of knowing i have amused, touched or even imparted life someway or another through this. not for my own glory but for a king greater than my own measly boob-lacking, freckle-faced, crooked- teeth, laughter-ridden asian self. 

love

p.s. croire is french for believe/thought, in case you were curious. and for the french who read this and think to themselves "she's such a french wannabe" let me tell you, i am. 

p.p.s. this is not meant to offend the french, i love your language.