thought #157- where do you end and where do i begin?

 "for something to begin, something must end"

i don't think i can count the times i have repeatedly encountered this phrase. be it in a church sermon, peppered within the contents of a cheesy love song, said in tears by a chick flick protagonist, found within the lines of novel, anywhere and everywhere. it is after all truth.

i recall writing about "endings" in a previous thought, and once again it appears as a reoccurring notion. i don't think i'll ever get over thinking about endings. they happen too often in life to forget. i think we often fail to remember that the death of things, people, epochs in life are not always sad. i mean its true, there's nothing happy and pleasant about having to say goodbye to a two year relationship with someone you actually thought of realistically walking down the aisle with. or graduating high school, or when someone you love with cancer passes away, or when you suddenly realise you're not 13 and can never be again. the end and death of something is always painful, especially when it isn't wanted. especially when it isn't inevitable,  especially when we still cling to what we know we must leave behind.

but this is life. we will never grow, learn, change and blossom if we are forever confined to the same atmosphere, people, thoughts, experiences. we make our own minds up, our own lives up, our own beliefs and values to follow by the things that end and begin in life. maybe for you to learn to forgive or begin to love you have to end that relationship that was actually destroying both parties. maybe for you to experience the world and challenge your convictions you had to graduate high school and enter the real world in all its wonder, brilliance, tragedy and chaos. maybe it is only after physical death  that you begin to cherish the importance of life and understand the fleeting nature of existence. and maybe it is only that you're no longer a teenager that responsibility, freedom and wisdom is birthed.

i'm not saying you can't grieve, i'm not even saying "for fuck sakes just get over it" because we're only human. it takes time. for some it's a day, some it's three months, some its fifteen years. sometimes it's never really. but the irrefutable truth is if you want something to start, you must bid something adieu. permanently... well for as permanent, this non-permanent life can get.

love,

ps. so true.
pps. http://thxthxthx.com/ love this site.

genesis

to be honest, i am laughing whilst writing this. i cannot help but feel that i have once again caved into the cyber world of sharing irrelevant details of my life without a clue of who will consider it as having some worth. i believe i have grown a penchant for writing blogs, i began long ago in 2005, at the tender age of 13... believing that my ranting would or could possibly encourage/impact/verbally abuse strangers and friends. and so i enter another beginning, the start of many starts which i have started... but seemed to never conclude.

i only have one aim for this blog, i wish to see it finished. when? how? i am yet to decide; i would merely like the satisfaction of knowing i have amused, touched or even imparted life someway or another through this. not for my own glory but for a king greater than my own measly boob-lacking, freckle-faced, crooked- teeth, laughter-ridden asian self. 

love

p.s. croire is french for believe/thought, in case you were curious. and for the french who read this and think to themselves "she's such a french wannabe" let me tell you, i am. 

p.p.s. this is not meant to offend the french, i love your language.