thought #95- i would like to call it beauty

i guess there is so much to further elucidate and gush and recount and recall about the events of weekend but i'm listening to this song and am so immersed and selfishly basking in it that it's all i want to really share haha.

I Would Like To Call It Beauty
Corinne Bailey Rae


So young for death, 
We walk in shoes too big
But you play it like a poet,
Like you always did.
And I lay face upturned on the palm of God,
Pushed on by the fingertips of dreams,
They haunted me,
Consoling me.

And I would like to call, call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....

You slept a sigh like the angels speak,
And we danced into tomorrow on bleeding feet
And I had thought that I would die here
But you pushed me on,
You pushed me on,
You pushed me on

(Oh) And I would like to call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....

You can keep it all locked up in your leaden chest
Or you can lay mouth open on the water's edge
But all your angels and your God will stitch and wash you

Oh I would like to call, call it beauty,
Strained as love's become, it still amazes me
And I would like to call it beauty, ....


love,

ps. oh my fucking gosh. brilliant seats, screaming sissy partner and midnight maccas runs. sickeningly good saturday!

thought #82- me or the thought of me?

i think sometimes in life we are attracted to the very thought of being with someone, attaining that desired object, living out that fantasised moment. yet when the day comes to confront whatever that maybe we suddenly find ourselves questioning if we really wanted what is coming to us. sometimes it takes for us to face a precipice before we ask ourselves "do i really love this or everything that is associated with this?" was it merely a feeling, under the influence, which caused us to swoon or is it simply this?

i guess john mayer's question in i dont trust myself with loving you stands a reality that we must continually ask ourselves in life "who do you love- me or the thought of me?" just as my former favourite boy wisely shared "we have to be sure we want to be with the person and not the time associated with them." how true this rings.

so i guess it calls for us to re-evaluate the priorities in our life, the people we consider elite and privileged. especially with the person you adore. it must be asked: if things were to be stripped away, if daily physical contact was severed, if communication crumpled like paper to a fist, if time continued to pass, if contemplation was stolen by life's other jealous priorities, if everything was not on our side, could we still say we wholeheartedly love each other and know with internal affirmation that no matter what we still want each other and no one else?

love,

ps. could you still love me like this? haha

thought# 68- its such a shame we become anonymous in heart break

heavily inspired by mayer's heartbreak warfare i bluntly scribbled out a song yesterday, whilst nursing a headache and cursing the horrible gloomy weather. i guess i could recount on how placid my day was, how i endured public transport and back breaking textbooks and starring at a handsome stranger (not from my course) and walking past people shooting a film/tv scene on railway square and remaining anti-social at every opportunity to befriend (sigh) and seeing so many toonie students at blacktown and laughing hysterically at my parents on the subject of teenage pregnancies and everything else in between, but it wouldn't really capture the essence of what my thoughts revolve around these days. its funny how it only takes one song to elucidate things that would take ramblings to even get a gist.

so here it is, forgive the sketchiness. it was done very quickly and unedited and so emotional that it might no even make sense. but then again, isn't that what describes humanity? haha

anonymous in heartbreak
020310


verse 1:


when two must part, and one departs
who is the winner?
the one who said goodbye,
or the one who refuses to cry?
those two will meet other lives, 
less hurt to be glorified, more love to be memorised.
and eventually the two will be unheard of...


...its such a shame we become anonymous in heartbreak.


chorus:


tell me who is the winner, who is the victor in heartbreak?
who is the loser, the defeated contender in heartbreak?
there is no such thing (x2)
when we both become strangers and neither one leaves with smiles on their faces,
its a shame we become anonymous in heartbreak.


verse 2:


when things must end,
who will defend their autonomy?
the first to say sorry or the one in a hurry to forget?
who is the loser the one who's more bitter or the one who feigns not to be?
and eventually this will become part of history...


...its such a shame we become anonymous in heartbreak.


fin. self-explaintory.

love,

ps. no im not desperate, or lonely, or hopeless romantic, or quixotic, or idealistic, or nostalgic, or wanting things to be mutual, or in love, or in lost or sad or confused or in regret and definitely not in denial HAHA 

thought #53- "the morning after" feeling

you know that unexplainable calm you receive after a relentless, shitty evening? that odd sensation of not being quite over a situation or someone or something but knowing within the very walls of your gut that things will be fine? that assurance that even if things remain unrecognisable and unknown, that eventually light will be shed? i think i may have it.

as john mayer sings in, in repair "i'm in repair, i'm not together but i'm getting there." i believe it echoes truth within life as we speak. i love how two sided the connotation "the morning after" brings. it can either imply a fantastically thrashed evening of subconscious decisions and waking up to handsome or handsome at the time men... similarly to those movies. most of the time you laugh at the protagonist's misfortune and think "haha sucks to be you." then there are those morning afters where one has been balling their eyes out, literally heaving out the tragic bits of life and then awaking the next morning feeling concaved and worn out. i must say i'm with the latter right now.

but the only difference is that my morning after is fuelled with hope. i mean the confusion remains, the nips of pain lingers but the prospect of moving on is so much greater. i already feel things developing, the heart being arranged to let someone else in. i choose to be happy, because that option is there. life is far too short to mope around and brood haha.

so i guess even in the worst of moments and hardest of times there is always "a morning after" to look forward to. one peppered with joy. in other words hope.

love,

ps. never heard of the band. great pic though haha.