thought #149- friends first, lovers second.

Day 26 - What you think about your friends

to be honest i have a heirachy when it comes to friendship. first there are the acquaintances; the people you stick to cheap conversation with, make brief appearances at mutual celebrations, almost strangers almost friends, people you'd sit next to on the bus ride home sort of companions. then there are friends; people you see on a often, folks you would be comfortable to have lunch or see a movie with but would find it odd if they suddenly called you on a daily basis. then there are the close friends; segregated in a special circle. subconsciously divided between the friends you would merely say hello to. these are the friends you would road trip, have a few drinks at a club with, sleepover with. then there are the best friends. the favourites, the privileged few that know the inner sanctum of who you are. the only people to have touched your heart that an imprint was left. these are the people you have tested to be true and loyal regardless of the season, an arguement or distance. these people will disappoint you, hurt you, not always be altogether but regardless love you and appreciate you for who you are. these are the people who you see you at your worst and best and still call you friend. i think friendship is dangerous, an instrument of utter pleasure and simultaneously of destruction. but without friends, life is paltry. we weren't meant to do this confusing sojourn called life on our own.

love,

thought #85- eighteen

is a brilliant number, a brilliant age. despite being congested and sore from the 97409273 tissues ive stuck inside my nose today, i must firstly say thank you to all the splendid people who sent messages, comments and other forms of love for my birthday! i am truly overwhelmed and blessed. my day was a concoction of mediocrity and firsts. my day began with being sandwiched on an all stops train to hornsby next to some largely sized man who was sitting on half me (literally) haha. in my politeness i let this pass haha.
second i met up with my darling best friend madeleine in which we had a coffee and caught up on the progress of our lives. i left to my accounting lecture- in which the desire to blow my nose innumerably taunted me horribly.

second, mai and gerry took me to the hotel/pub adjacent from uts in which i had two shots. this resulted in a momentary period of giddiness and dizzying verve haha. gerry and i printed my assignment and then had a quick lunch in which i attempted to complete the accounting homework (which was not collected this week, THANK THE LORD) then went off to say hello to chris at the insearch building. we quickly said hello before departing ways, mine to my tutorial and gerry home. tutorial was a slight droll and i spent most of my time starring at the time then actually paying much attention to what i believe will be critical information on the accounting exam *sigh.* after tute, chris and i saw each other again and had an "interesting" beer haha. it actually wasnt all that bad. though it did make me cringe internally, just a little haha. i returned back home and went din din with the family to conclude the festivities of the night.

and when i returned home, there sat the teal bag in which every girl secretly swoons at seeing. a beautiful tiffany and co. bracelet was within its contents and i almost burst out in jubilation. oh how i love my parents. now for saturday to come, i am so excited! it shall be splendid :) just this terrible cold, please go away. and im praying that the exams will not completely slaughter my attempts at getting a credit-distinction average hahahaha.

ah how i adore being eighteen.
with much thanks and greater love,

ps. can someone PLEASE make a picture of my face using shots and we'll drink it all for my nineteenth? haha this is bloody genius haha

thought# 67- day one

observations/lessons on my first official day of university.

1. feigning that you're confident (not stuck up, there is a difference) actually makes you feel better internally. sometimes all you need to do is ask a stranger and admit you are totally lost and frightened that you'll arrive late to a lecture, when in fact all you needed to do was walk straight ahead and wait for another twenty minutes.
2. it's easy to start conversation with strangers in the context of university. personally i am not one to engage in initiating this practice but eventually i will try and become pro.
3. make friends with the people you sit next to at lectures. it not only makes things much easier but boosts your social circle x infinity. 
4. do not ogle at handsome boys, skim. even when you don't have your glasses on, pretend you are not blind casually glance, smile if the occassion calls and do not repeat frequently unless you want to be thought of as an immature, blind, strange little stalker.
5. accept that you won't be the most stylish/smartest/prettiest/funniest/nicest/loudest/quietest person in the room. acknowledge your mediocrity but also know that you, in yourself, are brilliantly unique. be content and resist the temptation to compare or burst into inconsolable tears haha.
6. befriend the co-op bookshop. make it your new boyfriend. 
7. don't scowl when strangers double take a glimpse of you. smile, or remain blank. look sophisticated and abuse your unfamiliarity (as with numeros 1-5). do not intend this for flirtatious or malicious purposes or the creepy folk will come after you.
8. consume coffee or any form of caffeine before a lecture, especially when you have been awake since 6am. it really helps.
9. do not try to be fashionable in freezing weather. it is a mistake to think you can get away healthy with a thin blazer and stockings. its simply no use shivering especially in front of gorgeous strangers who may mistake you for an epileptic ridden person.
10. savour lecture breaks. take this opportunity to befriend, skim some more. breaks are ingenious 
11. riding on a ghost train conjures feelings of loneliness and nostalgia. so does eating at a sushi train by yourself. solitude has its benefits but in this case it is only depressing.
12. fall asleep as soon as you get home before anything else. sleep is heaven sent to the overwhelmed, undergraduate who has walked in the rain, purchased ridiculously expensive textbooks and has been awake since 6am (an ungodly hour for the insomniac) all day. 
13. i quite like university. i could definitely get used to this. 

love,

thought #45- expected strangers and unexpected friends

in life you meet people; strangers. another nameless grimace in another crowd in another city in another country in this entire cosmos. another palpitating heart walking to the quotidian beat of their repetitive, mediocre existence. another soul, another system of organs with another list of dreams to conquer and shit to forget. another metaphorical clock, which ticks, the hands passing the numbers by which your age represents, until your time is up. another one of you.

but sometimes, and not often nor assured or inevitable, you meet people; who evolve from being mere strangers. who no longer become a blur in the ephemeral and busy nature of our lives. whose name is attached to a face sprinkled with familiarity and features (freckles, one eye green the other blue, a crooked nose). whose smile you recognise as having the responsibility for your internal explosions. who, out of serendipity or fate (never just by chance), knows exactly how you feel with no need for verbal confirmation or one’s physical presence. who has common dreams to conquer and shit to forget, but also stark contrasts, which spark mutual interest each and every time.

sometimes in life you meet another one of you and suddenly that feeling of just a statistic, number, another name and another farrago of flesh and bones is dispelled by the fact that you’ve met someone like (but not is) you. so once you meet that someone that once a stranger, now a friend- don’t ever let them go. why would you ever return to just “another?” 

love,

ps. because life sometimes feels like where's wally? haha

thought # 3- why i love androgony

dear boyfee,

i know this may sound like a love letter rather than a blog, but i see this apt and believe you do too. it has been 13 incredible years and at your request i would like to remind you by my new penchant- listing.

11 reasons why i adore eleanor clark.

1. she's my boyfriend (personal joke folks)- the only one i know who will never leave, bicker and annoy me and is very tolerant to third parties within our relationship.
2. she's splendid company- from shopping trips, perving on men in suits at the city and coffee playdates, she listens, shares and is obviously a very beautiful piece of arm candy.
3. we're both nerds in our own ways- her obvious ocd for things rhyming with bent, dickhead (i wasnt meaning to be offensive... what possibly rhymes with wicked?) and bamtam, only shows unhealthy dedication.
4. we did and are still doing life together- especially these last two years of high school. it has been amazing getting to know her many boy dilemmas and advocacy for pathetic sappiness haha.
5. she laughs at me- in a non-malicious manner (though sometimes she may secretly do so but i forgive her) and seems to understand my horrible sense of humour.
6. she makes me laugh- purloin is not a steak, remember? 
7. she's lame- it's forgivable seeing as i am too.
8. she trusts me- with so much, even i question her. 
9. she likes me- genuinely. this can be questionnable but we haven't had any misunderstandings yet so i'd like to retain this assumption.
10. she likes asian food- meaning she's not racist or white supremist. she embraces asians and in return we asians embrace her with our delectable cuisine.
11. she's real- in all seriousness (not that i wasnt serious about the ten other points haha), she is the most raw, wholehearted individual you will meet. her humility and transparency is astounding and she is an incredible blessing to my life.

haha there you go, you owe me one clark.

love

p.s. remember this evening, when we went to the leichardt forum and decided we wanted to live here... but then the airplanes became a problem? haha