thought #171- boy friend

i've always wanted a boy bestfriend who i could never love. or spend my whole life trying to brainwash myself to think otherwise. we would do everything together; publicly platonic, privately consumed. we would spend hours on the phone raging about nonsense, visit cities together and take horrible photos whilst intoxicated. we would sip tea and cook each other breakfast, tell each other secrets and ask each other if our bum looked big in that pair of jeans. we would read books together and play scrabble and be competitive until someone caves in and becomes the sore loser. we would know what was on each other's minds without speech. we would slowdance to jeff buckley in the evenings and pathetic rockstar dance to reptillia during the day. we would have arguments that would last for days and fights that hurt us more than the other would know but still manage to work things out and conclude with a sorry. we would go camping in the backyard, confess of new loves and secretly cry over them. we would console each other over heartaches and lavish each other with limitless amounts of cuddles and spooning. we would shout over rooftops and smoke cigarettes in the dark. we would write about each other in journals and let each other read it after the year goes by. we would kiss once, impulsively, realise how awkward it was then never do it again. we would grow up, move to different cities, live different lives, marry different people and realise suddenly in the moment of mediocrity that we can really love and do life with no one, the way we could with each other. my kind of love story haha.

love,