the lacuna: thought # 36- you don't know what you've got till its gone

this statement rings truth as i sat in church today while robert fergusson was preaching. actually the message wasn't solely based on it but when he mentioned it, i immediately became convicted. i guess especially in this point of life and what has been left dormant or discarded in 2009. you never do realise what you had once possessed, or taken for granted or is so part of the trivial, quotidian routine of life until they disappear and you start to feel the absence.

sometimes the feeling is a relief, an accomplishment, a victory. sometimes its sad and morose like an internal piece of the puzzle, which makes up who you are, is missing. sometimes its frightening because you suddenly have to face existence or something in life alone and without that usual person, thing or guide. but most of the time its hard. whether we were hoping for the day to come in which were expecting liberty or hoping that things would never ever have to turn the way it did. regardless if it was for the best, whether it was mutual, who wanted it or who didnt. relationships, people, things, feelings are all hard to let go.

and its this realisation of when things are suddenly hollow in their presence which is the most convicting. you think about how amazing life was with them/that. you hold onto memories and cherish every little detail that "it" is synonymous with. sometimes i wish it didnt have to take for things to end or go before we can appreciate people and aspects of life. thats why i guess this 2010, i want to do things a little more differently.

i dont want to wait until i've lost something or someone dear to me for me to actually realise how special they are. don't make the mistake of doing so. save yourself the heartache and call friends, remind family, stop in the busyness of life to, just as robert fergusson mentioned today, appreciate beauty. there is such a thin line from something that brings us to our knees in awe to something that is so yesterday. i hope i never think that way about anyone in my life. so forgive me in advance if i sound like a sappy little happy camper but i just want to know what i have and know it for all it's worth when i still have it now.

love,