thought #249- London town love

after many months of the silent treatment, working hard for the monies and a relentless 20 hour plane ride, i have finally arrived in the land of perpetual dreary weather, reliable public transport systems, gorgeous accents and equally gorgeous men... london! i know i'm a little delayed in the recounting but i've been preoccupied with jet lag, adjusting to sleeping patterns, getting my way around, shopping away my monthly allowance and getting used to the reality that i'm in this alone. every time i think about it, the thought is bittersweet. i mean half of me knows this is exactly what i wanted to be half way across the world in a foreign country, finding fragments of myself along the way. but of course the latter half misses the comfort, familiarity and the favourite people in my life. but in totality i'm ridiculously excited about what will happen and how life will pan out for the next six months. yes the excitement is peppered with fear, frustration, uncertainty and temptation but most of all it's illuminated by this sense of hope. hope that whatever i was thinking before i left will find an answer or at least peace and whatever i am wishing for now will find its way here too. all this potential is making me excited. seriously all i want to do is wander, and get lost and fall in love and write about it and take photos. i know it sounds so whimsical and romantic but with a time limit on me, i'm prepared to temporarily bury my heartless, cold bitch demeanour and embrace everything. i'm actually looking forward to moving into the apartment and going to uni and perhaps even be social for once haha. until my next "wanderlust" entry about some crazy thing i've done... big hugs and love and missing home incredibly but loving each moment of being away.

love,

PS. the beautiful river thames.

thought #233- the author

finally 2012 has arrived and i couldn't be more excited and slightly terrified at all the prospects that will be birthed, adventures that will be taken and memories that will be etched in our minds and maybe the contents of our hearts permanently. as to continue tradition, it would feel strange of me not to divulge the unfolding of our new years eve. most of it spent in a blur of rekordlig, cigarettes, bonfires, ben's bed,  backyard fireworks, Seinfeld reruns and power naps. it was as chilled and messy as i wanted my new years to be and i am more than thankful for having brought in the new year without my face in a toilet bowl. i guess some spliffs would of been icing on the cake but i'm not too picky haha. what did get me thinking that night was the lovely conversations with my gorgeous friend ben. i guess the whole moment we spent lying in bed like an old couple talking and napping made me suddenly miss the affection, the comfort, the familiarity of having someone by your side. it was strange because in the past, feelings associated with this quixotic notion usually ended up with me missing my former favourite boy or a past insignificant crush. however in that very moment and in retrospect, i didn't think about anyone in particular. i just wanted someone to hold... as cheesy and pathetic as that sounds haha it was no longer wanting a boyfriend minus the relationship or just a straight out relationship for that very matter. it was just the idea of having someone there. sure i miss the lunch dates and the butterflies and the late night phone calls and the doing nothing. but it just wasn't what i was looking for. it was the physical, human company. in all honesty i wish i could of just held bens hand there in the dark or held on to him that night, not out of romanticism or to hint a fuck. but, out of what they call platonic bed buddies, purely for the sake of knowing someone was beside me and that the single bed was not extending into an all encompassing gulf and that he would be there in the morning and that would be enough for me. i know it's strange feelings to articulate and i totally understand if you're reading this thinking... what the fuck is she on about? someone give the girl a penis now! haha but really it's not sex. it's the looming feeling of loneliness and the desire to want to fill the void. the peace of having someone there and being content and knowing that this is happiness. for now anyway.

love,

 ps. audrey hepburn feels me.

thought #111- holiday mode

so i'm trying to find every possible reason, excuse and alibi to not study for tuesday's management final exam and as a result i have concocted some possible holiday options on a peasant's budget (if that is even possible?). and so begins the listing and the wishing and waiting in the hope that reality doesn't disappoint and winter finally gets into my good books.

abi's ten things to do this semester break:

1. visit the bavarian bier cafe and have an anticipated metre long schnapps train.
note: if i pass out, convulse or anything of the like, burn every photo of evidence. also don't believe a word i say, especially if it begins with "i love..." or " if this was my last night alive..." haha.

2. beat the unemployment blues and get a job.
note: this should reverse the overspending and miraculously introduce me to the alien concept of saving.

3. visit ben and jerry's at manly.
note: i know ice cream in winter is seen as either insane, cliche or romantic but i refrain from any preconceived ideas. i just want my damn ice cream alright?

4. go on holidays with my bestfriend.
note: it would of been my two, but the other is off canoodling with european hunks somewhere in the northern hempisphere (im so jealous and miss you!).
so a destination and date unknown, though it will most likely be domestic. i don't even care as long as we escape to a place where no one knows who we are.

5. read and write.
note: finish articles for sounderrated.com, finish all the books i began and did not end (bulgakov, dahl, nais etc).

6. have that miyazaki movie marathon.
note: i know this is long overdue, so i will call my two boys soon and find all those movies we shall view until the early hours of the morning.

7. drive more.
note: i know the recurrent theme of "soon" in association to getting my Ps is shit stirring. once i have conquered parking i promise i'll book my test.

8.  have little catch ups with many people.
note: whether this incorporates ALOT OF CHATTER combined with taking photographs from an old camera, high tea, vintage shopping, din din, wine and michael cera movies at mine, secret playdates, getting a little messy, coffee, a little road trip, the movies, strolling the sydney streets, or nothing at all... i miss your presence. we will see each other soon. if you don't hear from me, i want to hear from you.

9. attend the strokes concert.
note: scantily clad, despite the freezing weather. potentially crushed in a moshpit and rubbing up against sweaty strangers. partly drunk, partly lust- asphyxiated. for the love of julian.

10. cook.
note: at mine or yours, grocery shopping included. straight from a family old recipe or a cookbook. who will be my partner in crime?
this will also be a guiltless means of winter gorging, before i starve myself for the spring (i kid, calm down haha).

love,

ps. now this a real holiday, sigh.
pps. i need a break from life haha.