thought #78- same feeling, different people

i like the way you crane your neck and hold your skull, ruffling your tousled locks in the process. i like the way you tap on the desk, like rhythmic pulsation in sync with one's own heartbeat. i like the way your eyes remind me of glass windows that i am ever tempted to throw a stone at and explore inside. i like the way you scribble in your little black book, nod to yourself, hum hum hum, sip your tea, epiphany, scribble and repeat again. i like the way you can spend an entire afternoon with nothing but your holga and a piece of chalk; writing our names on the pavement whilst watching and snapping people tread all over it (that way you know fragments of you and me go wherever that stranger goes too). i like the way you open up ancient atlases, randomly find a location in the world and tell me we'll escape there one day, just the two of us. i like the way you never call but never forget to write me a post-it note on my doorstep. i like the way you like to wear your grandfather's sweater. i like the way you're dishevelled yet sophisticated. i like the way you're one huge irony in human form. i like the way you buy me quirky m quaint ashtrays every time you visit the markets or leave the country, yet refuse to buy me cigarettes. i like the way you purposely say things just to see my face cringe at your horrible romantic notions. i like the way you call me strange names from strange books we read together on a sunny afternoon, reclined on beach chairs and sipping wine. i like the way your face lights up (literally), and your inability to concentrate or sit still when you have something exciting to tell me. i like the way you tell me the truth, like how shit my cooking is, yet still eat it because you know how hard i tried. i like the way we dance in the living room in the dark. i like how you are the greatest, yet so very marred and far from perfect.

i don't like that we share the same feeling. that you can write your own list about someone else other than me...

love,

ps. birthday wish #935737593- a holga! froth haha. 

thought # 65- dating myself sounds slightly depressing

but its true. i never paid much attention to sole wandering in the city and have always thought of it as a hassle free way to play until today. finishing a lecture early opened myself to a possibility of free time with the absence of a companion or anyone familiar for that matter hence i chose to have a little city date with myself. usually i would find this fine and dandy to be strolling with large quantities of shopping bags (via my impulsion and lack of self control), coffee/gelato in hand, smiling pathetically at the lovely couples crossing my path and perving subtly at the handsome strangers in their solo trivial routine, without any real effect. however today, perhaps its just the situation i was in, or the absence of sleep and ergo the absence of proper thinking, was different. i actually felt kind of left out. leftover, single and feeling the solitude sort of thing. i suddenly wanted that person beside me, not holding my hand, but next to me carrying my shopping bags, buying me ice cream, holding the umbrella out (i know it sounds like i need a p.a. or slave but you are mistaken haha).

it was this sudden desire, that turned my date into a depressing muse. i mean don't get me wrong im not desperate and single life is amazing and carefree and headache-less than relationships. but there are moments, perhaps birthed out of being single for too long, or lonely for too long, or being one without another for too long. perhaps its any condition "for too long" which causes one to yearn. but then i guess im reminded of my little impromptu pact of patience. and i still stand by it.

as much as i wouldnt mind someone in my life, i mind getting into the wrong relationship. i do mind who  that someone is in my life. and im hoping the patience is worth it. so as i begin university on monday, i will keep this in mind. knowing me the utter excitement of university and university folk alike will completely cause me to momentarily short circuit, but i must remind myself that patience is priceless and will be paid in amounts surpassing anything monetary.

it's true when people say, you can't put a price on peace of mind. so with less anxiety and frustration in mind and with more patience and hope, im holding out for my next date with myself as less depressing. who knows i might meet another soul having a date with himself too haha.

love,

p.s. gross... *bursts into tears* HAHAHA i kid.