thought# 204- nothing to do with you

-Your middle name, and how you feel about it.

Ann: i have no angst toward it. i often wish my parents were a bit more creative in the creation of my name. 

- Talk about your piercings or tattoos, if you have any.

first the ears when i was a baby, hence no real story about that. second was the navel during my trip to the philippines in 2007/08. there was no real reason as to why i did it. i think it was just a moment of teenage self-experimentation and curiosity. i did get my ass kicked for it but i still have it to this day, so i guess my parents survived their first "our daughter's an adolescent heathen" attack. last is my ink during march this year. i've always wanted it but it took me awhile to figure where and what exactly. finally came to the conclusion of a simple small triangle and the shorthand symbol of one located on the side boob/lower rib. there's double meaning towards the piece, firstly the triangle represents the trinity but also birth, life and death. the shorthand symbol of one means we are one under the trinity as well as we are given only one opportunity at birth, life and death and thus to make the most of it.

- Your favourite television program.

i'm actually not a really big tv program watcher.

- Write about your closest friend(s).

i have a few. i love them for similar, dissimilar, unique and meaningful reasons. they've all gained my trust and love at different points in life and i am a firm believer that they arrived/are still present in my life because they truly belong there. they keep me grateful and love me regardless of my weaknesses.

- Tell us your three favourite colours.

yellow, black and white.

- Your favourite season, and why.

autumn and spring. the in betweens. the lukewarm seasons. they make me miss the heat and thank the good lord it isn't too cold. they let me breathe and they don't force me to make my mind up about what i'm feeling today.

- How you came across blogspot, and how your life has changed since joining.

i believe it was i november 2009. post- graduation, pre- hsc. i had previously kept a virtual blog during my younger years in year eight but momentarily ceased due to busyness and boredom. i've always enjoyed the occasional rant thus thought it to be a good idea to create one after leaving high school. i actually adore (with partial cringing) everytime i look back at past posts. it really documents the important and trivial things that have been happening in my life since leaving the security and comfortable bubble to secondary study and entering the real world. it reminds me to never forget the past and lets me learn in order to be a better person for the future.

- Are you a fitness guru or a couch potato? Talk about your exercise habits.

let's just say i wish i was way more fit than i am at this present moment. my exercise habits are random and spontaneous. i will engage in intense healthy bouts after weeks/months of binging to save myself from all consuming guilt. i'm actually keen to engage in my pending vegetarian, no alcohol/cigarette/illicit substances/coffee (aka the no- life) detox.

- Favourite meme at the moment.

the sudden abundance of handsome boys in stone coloured carhartt chinos, buttoned up shirts/white tees, with their slim line vans, beanies, skateboards and cigarettes in the back pocket... or did i just envision my dream guy? 

- Talk about your pets, or the pets you would like to have.

zero pets. i don't believe animals like me that much. i wish i could have a dog though.

- Your top three favourite bands.

the strokes, the mars volta, red hot chili peppers

- Your thoughts or opinions about Harry Potter.

i'm not an obsessed fan. he's ok i guess.

- Your thoughts or opinions about Mean Girls.

fancy you asked seeing as i just rewatched this last night. i adore this movie.

- Do you have siblings? Talk about them, or talk about what it’s like to be an only child.

none. being an only child has its perks and disadvantages. my parents are on the stricter side. they can be ridiculously over protective and drive my beserk i understand they're love behind it all. they've actually mellowed over the years as they begin to understand that i'm growing up and responsibility and life actually comes after that.

- Tell us your favourite junk food.

red rock deli. enough said.

- Your favourite Disney Princess movie.

pochantas though i don't know if that's classified as a disney princess movie. if not then it has to be cinderella and beauty and the beast.

- Your thoughts on Ugg boots.

not for public use.

- Do you drink soda more often than milk?

i barely drink either. water or cranberry juice thank you.

- The initials of your crush(es).

celebrity? f.l, m.c, a.b, r.r, j. f. etc. etc
non- celebrity it would be too obvious if i gave it away. plus i think i'm definitely past "crushing" this guy.

- Do you wear glasses? If so, what are they for?

yes. i'm short sighted

- Your favourite subject to study.

none

- Do you play a sport? Tell us about it. If not, talk about a different hobby you may have.

i am incapable of physical co-ordination. hobbies include: perving on handsome strangers, coffee playdates, lyrical venting and being anti-social.

- Your opinions on Lady Gaga.

she's intriguing and twisted.

- Tell us about the last movie you saw in theatres.

it's been awhile, probably thor. i knew i'd like it previous to watching it.

- Tell us about the last book you read (for leisure or for school).

geek love by elizabeth dunn. so sick, shocking and beautifully written.

- Name one place you would love to visit one day.

london, my next home.

- List your three favourite girls’ names and three favourite boys’ names.

girls: akira, jerusha, lyla

boys: luca, zion and george. 

- Your first celebrity crush.

i really don't remember. i've liked julian casablancas since year eight though so he could potential win. 

- Your opinions on the television show ‘Glee’.

i used to like it. i was an avid watcher during the first season but then i skipped a few episodes, then it degenerated to an adaptation of pop songs and overexposure to special guests.

 - Take a picture of yourself right now and post it, or post the most recent picture you can find.
 

bracessss fuck yeahhhh haha


love,

thought #175- expectations and reality

i recall writing a post earlier on in the year regarding disappointment and expectations. the notion appears to have surfaced once again in my train of thought. the heart aching distance, and gap between what we hope and what really happens. that little bitch, reality. sometimes in life we are fortunate to experience expectations and reality align. we see what we hope for pleasantly blossom into what is presently in front of our hands and the feeling is beyond amazing. sadly, this is not always the case and more frequently (than not) do we find ourselves disappointed by what we pray, wish and finger cross never really going according to our plan or premeditated ideas.

i currently find myself in this pickle, at this present moment in life. not that i have filled myself with unbelievable amounts of expectations. i've actually come to this point in life where i no longer expect anything. i mean i do have hopes and goals and such but in terms of potential loves and the similar, i've adopted the "go with the flow" approach. so far it's been good. apart from the fluctuating periods of utter boredom and restlessness, i find a sense of peace resting placidly over my little ticker.

but i guess circumstances, trivial meetings and routine thoughts have caused a little mess in my once structured approach to relationships. suddenly i find that my subconscious expectations about certain things have been thrown left of centre and i suddenly find myself feeling disappointed. foreign, i know. its as if i thought seeing him again would create this whirlwind of affection to just bloat out of both our chests and that i'd realise i was foolish to ever end anything that we once previously had. but that wasn't the case. and though i'm glad things aren't awkward. i'm also stunted by the triviality, the indifference, the lack of familiarity between us. i mean i wasnt expecting a lust at first sight. but maybe something more than what i'm feeling now. it feels as if in reality our encounter made no difference when in expectation it should have shook or stirred something....

ok now im babbling and heart spilling way too much for my liking. maybe im just overanalysing. maybe this is a sign for me to stop chasing after expectations and start living in reality. whatever happens i just hope things are evolving this way for the better. i might not understand now but i will in time. it after all isn't about me anyway.

love,

ps. exactly.

thought # 154- ninety nine truths, one lie.

100 truths!
1. last beverage: water
2. last phone call: gerry
3. last text message: luke
4. last song you listened to: 1963- rachael yamagata
5. last time you cried: its been awhile

have you ever:
6. dated someone twice: no
7. been cheated on: no
8. kissed someone and regretted it: yes
9. lost someone special: yes
10. been depressed: yes
11. been drunk and threw up: yes

list three favorite colors:
12. black
13. yellow
14. beige

this year, have you:
15. made a new friend: yes
16. fallen out of love: yes
17. laughed until you cried: yes
18. met someone who changed you: yer
19. found out who your true friends were: kind of
20. found out someone was talking about you: i wish
21. kissed anyone on your friends list: yes
22. how many people on your friends list do you know in real life: based on facebook (about 3/4)
23. how many kids do you want to have: 2, boy then girl.
24. do you have any pets: does my dad count? haha i kid.
25. do you want to change your name: for a day.
26. what did you do for your last birthday: dinner and clubbing.
27. what time did you wake up today: 9am
28. what were you doing at midnight last night: wasting time
29. name something you cannot wait for: summer holidays
30. last time you saw your mother in law: she's no existent.

32. what are you listening to right now: vultures- john mayer
33. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes
34. what’s getting on your nerves right now: this sem
35. most visited webpage: facebook
36. what’s your real name: abigail
37. nicknames: abi
38. relationship status: single
39. zodiac sign: aries
40. male or female: female
41. elementary school: toonie
42. middle schools: toonie
43. high school: toonie
44. hair colour: dark brown
45. long or short hair: short
46. height: also short
47. do you have a crush on someone: not really
48: what do you like about yourself: i dont really know.
49. piercings: 3
50. tattoos: none yet
51. righty or lefty: righty

firsts :
52. first surgery: none
53. first piercing: ears
54. first best friend: rachel
55. first sport you joined: none
56. first pet: dog
57. first vacation: usa
58. first concert: john mayer
59. first crush: thomas i think

right now:
60. eating: kitkat mmm
61. drinking: nothing
62. i’m about to: stop procrastinating... right.
63. listening to: can't take my eyes off you- lauryn hill
64. waiting for: him
your future :
65. want kids? yes
66. want to get married? yes
67. careers in mind: corporate lawyer or something where i get to write about shit, travel the world and get paid heaps for it.

which is better with the opposite sex? :
68. lips or eyes: eyes
69. hugs or kisses: hugs
70. shorter or taller: taller, that's not hard.
72. romantic or spontaneous: both
73. nice bottom or nice boobs: ass, manboobs are disturbing.
74. sensitive or loud: both
77. trouble maker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever :
78. kissed a stranger: not a complete stranger
79. drank hard liquor: yes
80. lost glasses/contacts: no
81. ran away from home: no
82. are you awesome: no
83. sure? very sure
84. broken someone’s heart: unintentionally if so
86. turned someone down: yes
87. cried when someone died: yes
88. liked a girl friend: no

do you believe in:
89. yourself: sometimes
90. miracles: yes
91. love at first sight: lust
92. heaven: yes
93. kiss on the first date: depends
94. angels: yes

answer truthfully:
95. is there one person you want to be with right now: kind of
96. who do you truly love: um
97. what do you want most now: summer holidays
98. had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time: no
99. do you believe in god: yes
100. posting this as 100 truths? ok

thought #150- why?

Day 27 - Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

I was bored.
Think of how many beautiful and disastrous fruits came because of this very reason.

thought # 16- j'ai ennuyé

translated into english: "i'm bored." 

forgive me if i'm incorrect in formulating the sentence but i'm a french wannabe remember? who recently discovered her oxford french mini dictionary for year seven french class with good old mrs macdonald (mach-doh-naaaald). oh the memories of early high school and reading from those infamous taped stories, singing that abominable song which somehow managed to include e-bay courtesy of joshua baissari's translations, and our routine greeting of:

mrs m (in her pompous but refined french accent): bonjour la class!
class (in a half arsed french accent, often accompanied with laughter and groans): bonjour madame macdonald...
mrs m: ca va?
class: tres bien merci, ca va?
mrs m: tres bien, si asseoir vous


haha the only reason i really remember this, is because of the first lesson we ever had in which began speaking to us as if we had the faint idea of how to speak or understand french. it was moreso amusing that she got annoyed at us after failing to respond to her "bonjour la class!" haha but i must give her credit. she wasn't a horrible teacher.

well since finally retrieving this delicate paraphernalia and reminiscing about all that this handy dictionary embodied, i suddenly desired to learn how to speak, in all seriousness and reality. i have even resorted in calling my parents mére and pére which i must say is quite fun. i want to learn french. i want to, even if it is only through their delicate amazing language, feel like a beautiful french woman which i personally envy. so as far as european affiliations go, i am in love with british boys and accents and adore the fine french felines (Julia Restoin Roitfield, Lou Dillion, Andrea Tatou, Coco Chanel etc. ) and the language. one day i shall visit the dirty paris streets and the cold londonside and become captive and romantic of places i only croire and pray to God Almighty that i shall see. 

amour

p.s. picture taken for the november issue of french vogue.
pps. sorry if you think it's lewd, but it personally captures the essence of everything french. the borderline porn/sex appeal, romance, naughtiness, and unrealistically handsome and stick thin models. so  very french haha.