thought#201- the real biography

• i am indecisive about the littlest, minute things such as what to have for lunch, what to wear today and if i should get out of bed this morning.
• i adore tiny splatters of meaningful ink. i like to think of them as love letters on skin.
• i don't like considering myself as a smoker. but that would be a lie.
• i am not skeptical or bitter because of past relationships and love. truth is, i'm a little afraid.
• i think people get to a stage where they think they've broken into transparency with me. but really we're only scratching the surface.
• i like getting comfortable, but i don't think i've ever experienced it. change always seems to get in the way.
• i believe in God. i believe in a life after this. i believe i am created for a purpose other than my own. that doesn't mean i don't struggle with it all everyday. 
• i'm a bit bipolar. i have so many facets. some people think i'm a bit of a contradiction. they're right.
• i love my family. we have our moments. but at the end of the day i am so grateful.
• i appreciate the little things in life, and the little things that people do.
• i am generally a positive person. generally. 
• i want to find that special guy. i want to get married and have babies and live that sort of life we all scoff at as adolescents. but not right now, secretly, i don't mind stumbling my way through (drunken stupor) for a bit.
• i believe everything has its season and reason. the answer isn't always for us.
• i'm not altogether, believe me.
• i want to travel so badly. i want to experience the glories and richness this world has to offer.
• i love anything understated; hidden treasures.
• i adore reading and writing and cracking open the skull of other human beings through the thoughts and genius that ooze out of them. 
• i often create alternative realities for strangers and myself. that doesn't make me divine, only creepy.
• i am rather awkward. 
• i don't like giving too much of myself away. i don't know if that makes me a tease or a prude or fucking selfish. maybe its just my natural reaction of self- preservation.
• i actually care, more than people think or what i want people to think.
• i care about the future. i believe things will be better in time and that i'll get my shit together eventually. 
• i have big dreams and plans. sometimes i fear they'll forever remain as those. 
• i have this intrigue for things like biographies of serial killers, drugs, skeletons, sex and models. its kind of twisted. 
• i believe everyone is capable of being beautiful and that everyone merely has their ugly days.
• i want to make my parents proud. 
• i have an affinity for stereotypically geeky things like literature, cafes, old cameras, moleskins, glasses, cardigans, naked ankles and socially awkward virgins.
• i have morals and virtues, things that suspend from time to time but are never erased.
• these days i am becoming more nonchalant, passive and indifferent about everything in my life. i kind of hate myself for it.
• as cliche as it sounds, if i can influence one persons life for the better i can die a happy woman.
• i wish i loved animals more than i really do, i also wish animals loved me more than they do.
• music is such a dictator of my mood, imagination, inspiration and to an extent my existence. its a supernatural gift really. 
• i have a big heart, but its not a college house party so please don't trash it.
• i love the concept of casual but i question the reality of its existence.
• sometimes i wonder who my real friends are.
• one day i'll get my sleeping patterns aligned to normality.

love,