i write this entry in agitation, frustration and absolute panic as i type away at an essay that makes no sense and a fear that midsems are in about a week and i have not even studied... eek! i also write this entry in utter amusement, which makes me laugh to myself pathetically and reconstruct the events of today in my head. have you ever had that feeling or thought of "this isn't supposed to happen in real life?" the almost scary ordeal of finding yourself in a moment of sheer pleasure and fun that it is far too good to be true, and you fear that your little game will end before you've had a chance to swing your head back in glee and sigh at how horrifically embarrassing you are and yet things conclude on a good note?
well i ask myself the same question as i had a lovely lunch with the uni boy i stalk. i refrain from calling this a date because simply lovers, potential lovers, and friendly friends go on dates. seeing as we were in neither category i see this only as lunch (despite what everyone else thinks haha). so before the anticipated, casual meeting my friend and i were quite jittery and nervous (mainly i was) simply because you dont ever expect to blindly meet, greet and associate with someone who is another name in your friends list. someone you don't know much about and have no real idea of who they are. before all this, you dont know how to act, nor expect and the fear of disappointment, embarrassment and rejection shine its ugly faces upon your circumstance.
perhaps it was out of impulsive boredom with life, or the uni air, but whatever it was i grew balls (not literally eww) and followed through. after a confusing semi-chase we finally met. and i do live by the golden rule that first impressions last. fortunately his first impression was a positive one and i found myself revelling in the short time spent with much curiosity, intrigue and internal smugness. his friendliness highly appealed and i hope that from this encounter, a friendship will spur. regardless of how creepy and weird it had all been birthed into reality.
so i guess, even though some things are only best left for the movies, or in ones mind or even as an unspoken, unconscious detachment from reality, one off things like this dont happen everyday. enjoy it i say. dont abuse, bemuse, fall into deep or obsess. we all know what i most likely am in this situation but the thing that differentiates another high school crush from this, is simply the amusing fact of how we met and this line ringing in my ears.
"don't ask yourself why did he do this to me? ask yourself why did you let him?"
love,
ps. this headline made me laugh.
pps. go on stalk a handsome stranger, i dare you (until you get an AVO then you're fucked haha)
