I've often described years in retrospect to be "unlike no other" but without exaggeration or cliche, 2012 has been such a ridiculous, mind-blowing, life changing time. Part of me feels like all this time prior to 2012 has only been a precursor, some sort of interlude to the main act and reality of life, the world and all it has to offer. Apart from the fact that I write this, half way across the world from familiarity, family and home, so much has occurred this year that has truly opened my eyes and has forced me to face the dreaded question of my purpose in life and what I want and how to go about conquering/achieving it. I knew from the outset that 2012 would concrete certain values pertaining to life, love, God and ones career but I was truly unsure of what I would subconsciously end up disposing, adopting or keeping. It's true, old friends took on new roles in my life, hearts were trampled in an unaware matter, sex evolved from a sacred to a casual social activity made with strangers, new friendships blossomed, growing up was faced and the looming reality of graduating university dawned on me in a frightening way. My new found adoration for the northern hemisphere occurred, freedom, independence and responsibility entailed and what more foolish, risky decisions (eg. Falling in love with strangers) were made under the influence of unfamiliarity and risqué. Part of me wants to come back home, the other part doesn't want to leave like I'm drawn to this lifestyle like a rope to the heart. Utterly captivated. Part of me knows I can't continue down destructive paths of chain smoking, joints on weekdays, one night stands, hungover mornings, luxurious living and selfish carnal actions. I can't expect to not get hurt from my constant fucking up and not doing anything about it.
As much as 2013 has followed the actions of its past sibling, I hope for nothing but peace. Peace of mind. To start thinking about life beyond myself. Yes, it was fun. No, I don't regret it but I really hope that this is just a phase and not a downward spiral into madness. It's so easy to lose ones soul in the process of trying to gain the world. I don't want that to happen. I still believe in my Creator. I still believe that this indulgent hedonistic moment of life is not permanent. I still believe in goodness, real love, faith and righteousness. It's a matter of physically effectuating the belief. It's a matter of life and death and everything in between. I have ridiculous hopes for 2013 the same way I did for 2012. And I know I'll never be the same again. For the better. Everything really will work out.
Love,
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