thought #230- big questions, no answers

i'm turning the big 2-0 next year. this is no particularly significant milestone, nor is it anything remarkable. but the fact that i'm shedding my teenage skin, hopefully living in a foreign country and finding who i am seems all so "big deal." it's also forcing me to ponder about the reality of life, the aging process and what i've accomplished to date. i mean i remember being thirteen and thinking that by 20 i would have a banging boyfriend, the biggest social butterfly and all that adult stuff sorted out. fast forward to six years and i still don't know what the hell is going on. i mean i have a plan, not made out of stone but something to keep me preoccupied. i mean i have big dreams and aspirations and fantasies painted vividly in my brain. but at the end of the day they still feel like wishlists i've been composing since i was a child. i find it's moments like these, when i read and listen to other people play out their lives, when i ponder about the future and consider not the prospects but the inevitable morphism into adulthood, that i really ought to do something about it.

it's also times like these i question everything about what i believe, what i want in life, who i'm living for, how to act, how to accept, moving on and moving into new motions of existence. i question where i'll be in ten years, who i'll be with in ten years, will i be living in australia? will i have made something out of myself? will i work a dead end job that i hate? will i become a drug addict? will i become an international superstar? will i live a humble life? will i live a life reflecting not a religion but the greatest person to have ever graced the planet- Jesus Christ? you know deep shit.

i mean i can't help it. it seems like questions such as those automatically come into being at the thought of growing up. i understand, we don't have to have it altogether and things can change. but i wish as i wrote this i could safely say i was content and happy and sure in myself and my faith. but something innate i guess is dormant. maybe i really need to see the world, maybe i need to let loose, maybe i need to learn the lessons (as hard as they can be). maybe then i can see that this life, and all those questions are frivolous if the end goal is to live a life so much bigger than yourself.

love,

ps. it's easier said than done though.

thought# 229- my grown up christmas list

it is a month and a bit more until the wonderful day of christmas. i honestly wonder why i still continue making such lists when most of my christmas presents are always received post- christmas and usually under the guise of a lump sum of money, lovingly given by my parents. but nevetheless perhaps this year, my list will be taken to notice and i will find some form of festivity underneath our non-existent christmas tree.

abi's 2011 christmas wishlist

1. A new pair of funkis clogs it's a definite hard toss up between the new very high clog in grey or the zanita's red and patent/ natural. 
2. karen walker number six sunglasses in tort i've always lusted for a kooky pair of kw's. this may be my year. 
3. a new black bikini/one piece. i'm not fussed. i just need a good decent one that isn't ridiculously pricey. maybe a new beach towel too while we're at it. there's a few cute ones at asos .
4. an ipad 2. ok so technically i don't need it. but hey this is a wishlist so i guess i'm entitled to unnecessary paraphernalia and gadgets. 
5. a nice designer clutch. i've been looking around but to my dismay i still haven't found one i absolutely adore. all else fails i could do with a new wallet. miu miu or celine? there's a few nice ones over at reebonz.
6. black high waisted jeans. i'm not fussed brand wise, i am just in dire need of denim that fits amazingly and can be worn with anything. these Cheap Mondays look about right.
7. make up. i need a refill on mascara, compact and more shades of lippy. i'd say dior for the mascara, chanel or clinque for the compact and nars and ysl for some lippy love.

who knows if this will become a reality. we can only hope (and probably save on our own too).

love,