thought #62- say what you need to say

i apologise for the absence of my daily entries of life, love and the shit that i get up to on a daily and banal basis haha. it finally appears i have an excuse and i have come to notice that productivity is a far greater severer of social ties than boredom and laziness. this past week has been occupied with other jealous priorities from university orientation days, work, friperie, friends, gigs and all sorts of random days/events.

for a hacked, shortened and brief recount of events, orientation on friday was splendid. it was the first time i have woken up at 6am in a long, long time. it was also the first time i had to run for a bus. my goodness, my little unfit legs and clear drowsiness from a sleepless night was a lovely combination to start my day as a soon to be official university student haha. after momentarily losing my co-ordinates between town hall and central, i engaged in a quick breakfast and an equally quick perve at the school boys congregating near maccas haha.

after i caught a train to central and engaged in a lazy trek towards uts (temporarily pausing for a caffeine fix... i was dying haha). being sandwiched by thousands of students had both its positive pros (subtle perving, gorgeous people, potential lovers, strangers who are soon to be friends etc.) and negative cons (getting caught whilst subtly perving, gorgeous people who are so intimidating, potential lovers with amazing girlfriends and potential heartbreakers, strangers soon to be enemies etc. haha) nevertheless the experience and the uni was grand and i am oh so excited and expectant at what this year will bring. i feel like im in year 7 again, a little lost and overwhelmed but hoping for nothing but the best.

this wed is my last shift at betts until i decide to christmas casual it next year. im slightly saddened but hopeful that i will find a replacement job soon. im praying that people call immediately as my poverty-stricken university student status is looming and freaking me out haha. i know parents will provide, as lovely and amazing as they are, but the extra income would definitely not hurt.  speaking of extra income, friperie is opening oh so soon. i am beyong excited and hope that the idea will hit off with everyone! the extended garage sale is the only fun and semi-brilliant thing that i've come up with since origami cranes and insane individuals haha. so yes i know you must be sick of my self-advertising but please check the website out and tell everyone about it!

so that is the brief revelations of my life as we speak. anything social is being fuelled by brief coffee/shopping/movie playdates with lovelies however the start of university can only mean shortened freedom and more behavioural management theories and accounting equations to think about *sigh* haha. the love life is terribly unattractive as we speak haha. it is this horrible concoction of loneliness, uncertainty, wants, rewinds,  fast forwards, flattened expectations, hopefulness, pulverising of the heart and patheticness.  i only wonder when the straight forward will shine its little face on me and hope to learn how to not be affected by disappointment. essentially, id like to learn indifference. to save myself from believing things could be mutual...

oh well. on with life, friperie in two days!!! thats all i needed to say haha.

love,

ps. found this brilliant photo on my friend's facebook. for stalker purposes i shall leave him anonymous, but yes. what a lovely piece of art.

thought #44- moving furniture

is a messy, cluttered business as i can view from the condition of the top level of our house haha my parents' fantastic idea to rip the carpet of all main bedrooms and replace this with timber flooring has left much clutter, half assembled beds, shelves in random nooks and so on. this physical rearranging can be attributed to the internal changes that i have decided and am deciding to implement as prompted by the events of last week.

it feels like there is much moving and discarding and ripping apart and replacing to do in life after much thought and conviction. and although it is painful and stressful and internally unwanted i must look beyond my current selfishness and understand that there will come a time i can look back and truly appreciate the efforts of looking at the symbolic pieces of furniture in my life in a different light haha.

and so begins my recounting. to be honest, my head is still half exploding and half processing at all that occurred in my brisbane adventures but i must say it was amazing. i was sad to leave, wishing that one week extended for longer. there were so many things learnt, so many new friendships sparked and so many questions left to answer. as sappy as this may sound, it was really life altering. it made me suddenly think about what i believe, why i believe it, who i am and what the hell am i doing with this life i've been graciously given? i remember thinking at times "fuck... where exactly am i going?" but i think its crucial. vital to question yourself and have people question your beliefs, because it is only in this pressure and removal of comfort that we are stretched (or tented) to remind ourselves the fundamental source of why we exist. it was also great to have other people who shared your common belief question or voice their own different opinion regarding areas such as creation and the coming. it was a precious experience.

and so what's next? after all the amazing times, the city shopping splurges, the excessive amount of caffeine and absence of sleep and lecture after lecture after lecture? we are left to translate and seek to realign our lives to the truth (not that relative truth bullshit... sorry postmodernists haha). as i commented earlier its painful, i can feel the effect already. as much as i dont want to hurt anyone decisions must be made not just for my sake but for the sake of the other souls that i've included in my life. right now im in no place of victory. i wish i could tell you that last week made me "pumped and alive for jesus and wanting to change the world etc etc" and although that urgency is present its made me realise the hypocritical nature of my life and the need to move furniture for the sake of my future.

haha deep i know. sorry if i babbled on and you're thinking "what is she on about?" haha. but yeah last week was brilliant... i miss the gorgeous locals and sunny weather already. compass 2011 please? haha.