thought #44- moving furniture

is a messy, cluttered business as i can view from the condition of the top level of our house haha my parents' fantastic idea to rip the carpet of all main bedrooms and replace this with timber flooring has left much clutter, half assembled beds, shelves in random nooks and so on. this physical rearranging can be attributed to the internal changes that i have decided and am deciding to implement as prompted by the events of last week.

it feels like there is much moving and discarding and ripping apart and replacing to do in life after much thought and conviction. and although it is painful and stressful and internally unwanted i must look beyond my current selfishness and understand that there will come a time i can look back and truly appreciate the efforts of looking at the symbolic pieces of furniture in my life in a different light haha.

and so begins my recounting. to be honest, my head is still half exploding and half processing at all that occurred in my brisbane adventures but i must say it was amazing. i was sad to leave, wishing that one week extended for longer. there were so many things learnt, so many new friendships sparked and so many questions left to answer. as sappy as this may sound, it was really life altering. it made me suddenly think about what i believe, why i believe it, who i am and what the hell am i doing with this life i've been graciously given? i remember thinking at times "fuck... where exactly am i going?" but i think its crucial. vital to question yourself and have people question your beliefs, because it is only in this pressure and removal of comfort that we are stretched (or tented) to remind ourselves the fundamental source of why we exist. it was also great to have other people who shared your common belief question or voice their own different opinion regarding areas such as creation and the coming. it was a precious experience.

and so what's next? after all the amazing times, the city shopping splurges, the excessive amount of caffeine and absence of sleep and lecture after lecture after lecture? we are left to translate and seek to realign our lives to the truth (not that relative truth bullshit... sorry postmodernists haha). as i commented earlier its painful, i can feel the effect already. as much as i dont want to hurt anyone decisions must be made not just for my sake but for the sake of the other souls that i've included in my life. right now im in no place of victory. i wish i could tell you that last week made me "pumped and alive for jesus and wanting to change the world etc etc" and although that urgency is present its made me realise the hypocritical nature of my life and the need to move furniture for the sake of my future.

haha deep i know. sorry if i babbled on and you're thinking "what is she on about?" haha. but yeah last week was brilliant... i miss the gorgeous locals and sunny weather already. compass 2011 please? haha.

thought #43- why i can't be anti-social tomorrow

as much as it repulses every feeling and natural operation of my personality regarding befriending strangers, i will make friends with unfamilar faces. mainly because i will be in queensland, without knowing anyone personally but hopefully finding solace and comfort in a few people who attempted to not be anti-social themselves haha. it is a bittersweet feeling as i write away, knowing very well that the next proper post will be a week from sunday (depending upon the internet connection, virtual facilities and time in brisbane). i am excited and enthralled to be experiencing such independence and liberty and hopeful to meet (as sappy as this sounds) "life long friends" which an experience of this calibre can only offer haha.

on the other hand i am hesitant to leave, and although one week will transitorily pass before i can even pay attention, knowing i will have to sacrifice the little luxuries of my regular life. little things like skyping until the wee hours of the morning with kuan, complaining before, during and after work haha, messaging matty almost (if not) every day, the incessant chatter of my parents, even the iotas of life like a message or comment from facebook or the comfort found sleeping in my own bed. but nevertheless it will be splendid. hopefully i will be able to recount most of the experiences and encounters :)

well i shall be off, tonight is another birthday party to attend before i am to board a plane in the morning and hopefully avoid any tourist symptoms and embarrassingly getting lost haha. until next week, be safe and take care my lovelies.

much love and will miss you all,

ps. this picture doesnt really give brisbane justice... but oh well haha.