thought #62- say what you need to say

i apologise for the absence of my daily entries of life, love and the shit that i get up to on a daily and banal basis haha. it finally appears i have an excuse and i have come to notice that productivity is a far greater severer of social ties than boredom and laziness. this past week has been occupied with other jealous priorities from university orientation days, work, friperie, friends, gigs and all sorts of random days/events.

for a hacked, shortened and brief recount of events, orientation on friday was splendid. it was the first time i have woken up at 6am in a long, long time. it was also the first time i had to run for a bus. my goodness, my little unfit legs and clear drowsiness from a sleepless night was a lovely combination to start my day as a soon to be official university student haha. after momentarily losing my co-ordinates between town hall and central, i engaged in a quick breakfast and an equally quick perve at the school boys congregating near maccas haha.

after i caught a train to central and engaged in a lazy trek towards uts (temporarily pausing for a caffeine fix... i was dying haha). being sandwiched by thousands of students had both its positive pros (subtle perving, gorgeous people, potential lovers, strangers who are soon to be friends etc.) and negative cons (getting caught whilst subtly perving, gorgeous people who are so intimidating, potential lovers with amazing girlfriends and potential heartbreakers, strangers soon to be enemies etc. haha) nevertheless the experience and the uni was grand and i am oh so excited and expectant at what this year will bring. i feel like im in year 7 again, a little lost and overwhelmed but hoping for nothing but the best.

this wed is my last shift at betts until i decide to christmas casual it next year. im slightly saddened but hopeful that i will find a replacement job soon. im praying that people call immediately as my poverty-stricken university student status is looming and freaking me out haha. i know parents will provide, as lovely and amazing as they are, but the extra income would definitely not hurt.  speaking of extra income, friperie is opening oh so soon. i am beyong excited and hope that the idea will hit off with everyone! the extended garage sale is the only fun and semi-brilliant thing that i've come up with since origami cranes and insane individuals haha. so yes i know you must be sick of my self-advertising but please check the website out and tell everyone about it!

so that is the brief revelations of my life as we speak. anything social is being fuelled by brief coffee/shopping/movie playdates with lovelies however the start of university can only mean shortened freedom and more behavioural management theories and accounting equations to think about *sigh* haha. the love life is terribly unattractive as we speak haha. it is this horrible concoction of loneliness, uncertainty, wants, rewinds,  fast forwards, flattened expectations, hopefulness, pulverising of the heart and patheticness.  i only wonder when the straight forward will shine its little face on me and hope to learn how to not be affected by disappointment. essentially, id like to learn indifference. to save myself from believing things could be mutual...

oh well. on with life, friperie in two days!!! thats all i needed to say haha.

love,

ps. found this brilliant photo on my friend's facebook. for stalker purposes i shall leave him anonymous, but yes. what a lovely piece of art.

thought #59- the pros and cons of valentines day

the reasons why i've never celebrated valentines day and, although i may perhaps appreciate this tradition in the future, never really fancied it at all haha.

CONS

1. the endless pathetic sap- being anti-romantic (to an extent haha) this day is but another excuse to excessively gush over other halves and lovers in the form of rhymes publically and embarrassingly spread across the local newspaper, purchase novelty sized teddy bears with "i love you" scrawled across the heart its carrying across its chest (and if your boyfriend is a genius you may even get a "i love you beary much!" *insert eye roll at pun* haha), cut poor roses from gardens knowing very well they will be discarded the same day and other cheesy shit. 
2. the degregation of the colour red and the three word phrase- i can no longer appreciate the colour red on valentines day knowing very well that couples in matching outfits and other traditionalists are flaunting around their scarlet as if today's the only day you can wear the hue. its a horrible cliche that can be likened to corsages at proms/formals and superstitions such as not opening umbrellas indoors.... excuse me but i'll open my fucking umbrella whenever i want! haha. in addition to this hackneyed concept is the repeated use of "i love you" or better yet the word itself "love." truly it has lost its meaning by the very nature we carelessly toss around the VERB on this day. tragically it can take only a transitory pause of a day for one's "i love yous" to be "i never want to see you again." *sigh* haha
3. the commercialism- just like christmas and its advertising of santa claus, christmas lights and anything synonymous to "ho ho ho," valentines day is another time of the year in which florists, candy shop/ restaurant owners and cinema complexes get a chance to shine. well its not necessarily a con for florists to take advantage of this day (being in such a niche and luxury sort of market) if they didn't have to charge their flowers so damn expensive. i mean remind me again why i have to pay for a half dead red rose for $10 a stem?!!!
4. the weekend weight gain, overdose on chick flicks and excessive consumption of alcohol and cigarettes- some people may actually see this as a pro. right until the moment they regurgitate cookie and cream chunks, shots of tequila and cry simultaneously due to the frustrating hurt of having to vicariously live through perfect couples in movies.
5. its another stab at singles- as if everyday isn't enough to remind us of our loneliness haha. ok, so im exaggerating. most singles are actually fine with their status and do not hold any insecurities due to their patience and understanding that things such as the mockery of valentines day will pass. bitterness and cyncism is an acquired taste i guess. and although you can live with people, especially yourself, beating the brains out of the concept of singleness with sarcastic jokes and cruel fun, the reality of the fact lingers. even if you are as anti-sap as myself, you can't help feel scintillas of being left out, of wishing you could expect something even as quixotic as a dozen roses at your doorstep or your man taking you out for dinner or perhaps waking up together with his shirt on. and although it is thoroughly amusing to laugh at the gag worthy couples snuggling in the couples seat right next to you, or comment at how daggy pdas and another public declarations of affection are, at the end of the day you are ultimately the one without the other... 

PROS

1. you expect nothing and gain nothing in return- the disappointment (apart from the obvious gaping hole in the shape of your palpitating organ) of wondering if he will, or if he won't will not exist. the dramas are invisible. the frightening feeling of being dumped on valentines day is a mere nightmare... simply because there is no one to get dumped from, no one to receive a shitty tightarse present and no one to say "i don't love you..." 

*bursts into uncontrollable tears* HAHAHA i kid, happy valentines day!

love,

ps. yeah it was alright. seeing my lovely girls was far better haha.