thought 159#- we're friends not just.

so last week i unintentionally bumped into someone i  had previously adored. adored being an understatement. i was fantastically smitten over this guy to the point of ocd, unable to speak in his presence kind of pathetic shit (come on i was in year eight, give me a break). but anyway, i hadn't physically seen him for over a year so to casually exchange greetings and cheap conversation was nice. but to be honest i couldnt refrain from thinking at the back of my head "wow, i used to like crazy stalker love this guy." it was an awkward thought to be having whilst in mid-conversation but i couldn't help myself. as i walked away from that trivial encounter i realised/accepted something crucial. "we are just friends. and that's how it was always supposed to be." of course it would of saved me innumerable hours and moments of heartache, confusion and what not if i had merely accepted this fact but the journey is far more important than the destination in this context. 

i think its slightly frightening to see someone you used to have a past with, used to feel differently about, have memories that are much more than walking down the street and saying "how's it going?" and find that normality. at the back of your mind you wonder how to act. how can you just be friends when you never started off as one? but once you finally get to that place of realisation, once you are at peace it's honestly amazing. it feels like you're no longer competing or trying to figure something out that isn't even there. the deciphering, the obsessive crazed delusion is washed away by this understanding that life goes on and its very normal to filter through people and where they stand.

i can honestly say i am at rest with the guys who are affiliated with this concept. all but one. but we're getting there. i can finally be happy to say we're just friends and that's how its meant to be. life is so much better facing reality then abusing and bruising yourself over a fantasy, a mendacious hope that he'll wake up and realise we belong or some shit. i mean yes im slightly carnal to say that id be quite satisfied if all the people in the world that cracked open my heart would wake up and realise they want me back but can never again, but other than that im living in hope NOT illusion. if they're meant to be they'll be and if friendship is all that it's meant to be, then so be it.

love,

 

ps. i adore this movie! beyond the fact ryan reynolds graces us with his sexy presence and is momentarily fat and singing i swear haha.  

pps. friperie's spring collection is out pretty bitches and handsome pricks (haha totally kidding). check it out at http://friperiesydney.blogspot.com

thought #48 if only the world was more patient

then perhaps it would be an irrefutably better place. perhaps we would have people at the supermarket queues with their arms outstretched politely remarking "after you." or the extinction of speeding tickets, or the decrease of suicidal rates because people are patient enough to not play God and just wait to die in the correct and ordained time haha. (n.b. anyone in retail can concur that if only more people were patient, then stress levels and aggravated manslaughter rates would dramatically drop HAHA).

actually, the real reason behind this thought originates from my house alarm, which has not stopped beeping all day. obviously something is broken but my parents being the asian optimists that they are, believe it will eventually go away. they have been incorrect so far. the only reason why this damned electronic is annoying is because it is located the nearest to my bedroom and thus beeps like a bitch all day and will so all night *sigh*.

so anyway... patience is one of the most amazing virtues to possess, yet is also the most difficult to acquire. personally i am the most impatient being in this universe (arguably). i can be many things of the positive, but being patient just doesn't adhere to any bone in my body. this can be seen in the patterns of behaviour i exude.   for example, i know an item will go on sale, eventually, yet have an impulse to buy it at retail price, regardless if it costs the earth. for example, i know i will eventually get told something, but persist in finding ways and methods of manipulation (in matty's case, i fail miserably but still haha). for example, queues for me are like torture chambers. especially when all you want is one item and there are about 9275259 million other beings in front with double the amount of items.

it's amusing to know that "be more patient" or "be less impatient" always appears on my things to do/new years resolutions list every year. but what i've come to ultimately realise is that it takes patience to become patient. it requires stretching and bending and a behavioural alteration to anything synonymous with time and waiting. through many encounters in life, the best moments and decisions have been made because i chose to wait. because i extended myself just a little longer than i thought i could. it has been worth it. so as 2010 continues, as things to do, people to meet and days to age approaches us i think of only one thing. to be patient. hopefully, by the time 2011 comes around i don't need to put "be more patient" on the list, because it's already been achieved :)

love,

p.s. somedays i wish i could learn patience by being stuck in a car with people i dont like haha.