thought 159#- we're friends not just.

so last week i unintentionally bumped into someone i  had previously adored. adored being an understatement. i was fantastically smitten over this guy to the point of ocd, unable to speak in his presence kind of pathetic shit (come on i was in year eight, give me a break). but anyway, i hadn't physically seen him for over a year so to casually exchange greetings and cheap conversation was nice. but to be honest i couldnt refrain from thinking at the back of my head "wow, i used to like crazy stalker love this guy." it was an awkward thought to be having whilst in mid-conversation but i couldn't help myself. as i walked away from that trivial encounter i realised/accepted something crucial. "we are just friends. and that's how it was always supposed to be." of course it would of saved me innumerable hours and moments of heartache, confusion and what not if i had merely accepted this fact but the journey is far more important than the destination in this context. 

i think its slightly frightening to see someone you used to have a past with, used to feel differently about, have memories that are much more than walking down the street and saying "how's it going?" and find that normality. at the back of your mind you wonder how to act. how can you just be friends when you never started off as one? but once you finally get to that place of realisation, once you are at peace it's honestly amazing. it feels like you're no longer competing or trying to figure something out that isn't even there. the deciphering, the obsessive crazed delusion is washed away by this understanding that life goes on and its very normal to filter through people and where they stand.

i can honestly say i am at rest with the guys who are affiliated with this concept. all but one. but we're getting there. i can finally be happy to say we're just friends and that's how its meant to be. life is so much better facing reality then abusing and bruising yourself over a fantasy, a mendacious hope that he'll wake up and realise we belong or some shit. i mean yes im slightly carnal to say that id be quite satisfied if all the people in the world that cracked open my heart would wake up and realise they want me back but can never again, but other than that im living in hope NOT illusion. if they're meant to be they'll be and if friendship is all that it's meant to be, then so be it.

love,

 

ps. i adore this movie! beyond the fact ryan reynolds graces us with his sexy presence and is momentarily fat and singing i swear haha.  

pps. friperie's spring collection is out pretty bitches and handsome pricks (haha totally kidding). check it out at http://friperiesydney.blogspot.com

thought #78- same feeling, different people

i like the way you crane your neck and hold your skull, ruffling your tousled locks in the process. i like the way you tap on the desk, like rhythmic pulsation in sync with one's own heartbeat. i like the way your eyes remind me of glass windows that i am ever tempted to throw a stone at and explore inside. i like the way you scribble in your little black book, nod to yourself, hum hum hum, sip your tea, epiphany, scribble and repeat again. i like the way you can spend an entire afternoon with nothing but your holga and a piece of chalk; writing our names on the pavement whilst watching and snapping people tread all over it (that way you know fragments of you and me go wherever that stranger goes too). i like the way you open up ancient atlases, randomly find a location in the world and tell me we'll escape there one day, just the two of us. i like the way you never call but never forget to write me a post-it note on my doorstep. i like the way you like to wear your grandfather's sweater. i like the way you're dishevelled yet sophisticated. i like the way you're one huge irony in human form. i like the way you buy me quirky m quaint ashtrays every time you visit the markets or leave the country, yet refuse to buy me cigarettes. i like the way you purposely say things just to see my face cringe at your horrible romantic notions. i like the way you call me strange names from strange books we read together on a sunny afternoon, reclined on beach chairs and sipping wine. i like the way your face lights up (literally), and your inability to concentrate or sit still when you have something exciting to tell me. i like the way you tell me the truth, like how shit my cooking is, yet still eat it because you know how hard i tried. i like the way we dance in the living room in the dark. i like how you are the greatest, yet so very marred and far from perfect.

i don't like that we share the same feeling. that you can write your own list about someone else other than me...

love,

ps. birthday wish #935737593- a holga! froth haha.