thought #157- where do you end and where do i begin?

 "for something to begin, something must end"

i don't think i can count the times i have repeatedly encountered this phrase. be it in a church sermon, peppered within the contents of a cheesy love song, said in tears by a chick flick protagonist, found within the lines of novel, anywhere and everywhere. it is after all truth.

i recall writing about "endings" in a previous thought, and once again it appears as a reoccurring notion. i don't think i'll ever get over thinking about endings. they happen too often in life to forget. i think we often fail to remember that the death of things, people, epochs in life are not always sad. i mean its true, there's nothing happy and pleasant about having to say goodbye to a two year relationship with someone you actually thought of realistically walking down the aisle with. or graduating high school, or when someone you love with cancer passes away, or when you suddenly realise you're not 13 and can never be again. the end and death of something is always painful, especially when it isn't wanted. especially when it isn't inevitable,  especially when we still cling to what we know we must leave behind.

but this is life. we will never grow, learn, change and blossom if we are forever confined to the same atmosphere, people, thoughts, experiences. we make our own minds up, our own lives up, our own beliefs and values to follow by the things that end and begin in life. maybe for you to learn to forgive or begin to love you have to end that relationship that was actually destroying both parties. maybe for you to experience the world and challenge your convictions you had to graduate high school and enter the real world in all its wonder, brilliance, tragedy and chaos. maybe it is only after physical death  that you begin to cherish the importance of life and understand the fleeting nature of existence. and maybe it is only that you're no longer a teenager that responsibility, freedom and wisdom is birthed.

i'm not saying you can't grieve, i'm not even saying "for fuck sakes just get over it" because we're only human. it takes time. for some it's a day, some it's three months, some its fifteen years. sometimes it's never really. but the irrefutable truth is if you want something to start, you must bid something adieu. permanently... well for as permanent, this non-permanent life can get.

love,

ps. so true.
pps. http://thxthxthx.com/ love this site.

thought # 35- i hate endings

even happy ones which concoct feelings of sappy jubilee as you see the male and female protagonist slay all opposition and ride away into a sunset/home/endless road with implications that they will be happy perpetually. haha ok as unrealistic as that sounds i like that ending haha. but in general im not fond of endings. of things that must conclude and never return or repeat. similarly to today. being the last year of 2009 one cannot help but feel relieved/excited/morose/nostalgic about how quickly the days have matured and our world is aging once again. nevertheless, i am expectant and eager for what 2010 will bring.

in retrospect, this year has been one of many challenges both personally and in the context of my secondary schooling. it was a significant year i must say as many firsts enterred my life and many lasts simultaneously. it only feels like yesterday i graduated high school, went to schoolies, had a favourite boy (i still do, but just not in that context anymore), went to the formal, moved churches, turned 17 and so on. it really does feel like life was only yesterday and today is only here for a transitory tease before it becomes yesterday as well.

before i go on blabbing about the universe and time and profound nonsense haha i must include my new years resolutions/things to do which i always make every year. its  tradition, or more like ocd habit haha. but anyway here it goes:

10 things to do, who to be, what to expect in 2010

1. turn eighteen (obviously ha)
   
2. enrol into university
3. go clubbing
4. go on that special secret playdate with elle the boyfriend.
5. get my Ps 
6. learn to ride a bike (yes i still dont know how)
7. sponser a compassion child
8. volunteer to do a ministry at church
9. be better disciple and person in general haha.
10. enjoy the single life but be mindful and wise of the future. 

im sure there is so much more but ill add onto it if i do remember. oh 2010, it'll be a splendid year i have a good feeling. well apologies for not writing any sooner, work is a killer haha. but take care and have a splendid new years eve and day and may you party hard and love even harder and allow Him to mould you and refine you into the person you are supposed to be.

love

ps. the best party of all! mario party haha.