i'll be honest, i'm aching for next year. part of me is striving to not be so expectant about how 2012 will unfold itself, as to avoid the devestating effects of disappointment but i just can't help myself. there is so much to look forward to next year. i have a great feeling about it. i mean don't get me wrong, i'm not dispelling the greatness and blessing that this year has become even before it has ended, but man next year can only go from strength to strength. apart from getting to hear and see lovely favourites live such as bon iver and feist at laneway (losing my festival virginity!), i will finally be graduating, turning twenty and immersing myself in some preliminary travel, something i've been dying to do since leaving high school. the thought of living by myself in a foreign country for six months is daunting but so appealing. the notion of befriending potentially life long friends, falling in love with strangers, eating good food and drinking impeccable wine, the possibility of never returning back to australia just makes me so giddy and hopeful. it's definitely something i need in life right now. as gay and eat, pray, love as i sound i need to find myself by momentarily bidding farewell everything that i know and find comfort in. to be stretched and unfurled and maybe even slightly broken to see what me contains.
this year as been great so far. it has been one of many firsts, friends, university, alienation, conviction, nonchalance and confusion. the truth is that at the end of the day life goes on, and it waits for no one. no matter how many times i'd like to rewind, fast forward or pause moments in my life, i simply cannot but move forward. i'm sick and tired of dwelling on what i did wrong and who i lost and why i still can't get over some things. i want to accept that the answer isn't for us and that everything is held in the palm of a hand that is beyond flesh, blood and time. i'm scared of the unknown. scared that i might fall, stumble, hurt. but i guess that's the beauty of life. it's a learning curve and every victory and bruise should be adopted and accepted.
i just hope i'll come out of this year and into the next with a guarded heart and open eyes. that i will be wise, have fun, go crazy but discern the difference from an opportunity and an impending consequence. part of me wants to scream "fuck it, i'm young" but then there's that whole part after my youth that i have to consider and take care of. let's just hope that i find what i'm looking for, and if i don't then i know it isn't time yet. until then 2012, please don't disappoint me. i really need you to happen. not necessarily the way i want things to happen, just please happen.
can't wait.
love,
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dreams. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
thought #227- if perfection existed in this world
the day would be expectant, pregnant with opportunity. the weather accommodating and pleasant with the ideal concoction of sunshine and breeze. she would rise from the rumination early in the morning, and think about what the day would consist; hopeful yet somewhat frightened at the thought of being disappointed. she would be nervous as she puts on her crisp white pop classic acne shirt, her leather shorts and flatforms before driving away. she would breakfast (at surry hills) as a lone ranger, mocha in one hand, cigarette in the other. her mind filled with the cup of pablo neruda's tantalizing poetry, overflowing with imagery and imagination. as soon as she finishes her cigarette, the phone rings. she knows who it is and once again conjures simultaneous feelings of projectile vomiting and ecstatic joy. he will say he's five minutes away, she says see you soon.
he would approach her casually, his presence would fill the void of the adjacent vacant seat. he would look effortlessly lovely, crisp white pop classic acne shirt, rolled shorts and loafers. they would laugh at the coincidentally similar outfits and he would order a glass of water. they would engage in small talk before he decides to sweep her off her feet. she would, willingly. they would walk to his parked car, he would open the door for her. they would drive to bondi and would stroll casually along the strip, stopping at the market stalls. he would buy her a small thin metal bracelet with a skull. she would adore it. they would walk past a photobooth and he would pull her in, she hesitant and embarrassed but that doesn't matter. he would tell her a funny story and she would honestly cackle, internally hoping the day would slow down because each minute means a minute closer to the end of this moment.
they would reach the beach, sit on the towel and talk. about the deeper things in life; the people they loved, the people they lost; who they want to be, what they want to see, which beatle was the best, their favourite scrubs episode, why they hate and adore courtney love, the last time they were drunk, everything but what they mean to each other. then there would be a silence, and they would stare at the sky and know, without it being spoken, that right now is enough. she would ruin the moment by taking a photo of him. he would complain but secretly love it. he'll ask if she's hungry, she would say yes. they would pack up and head to leichardt for some italian and gelato, all this time she would be singing to beyonce ridiculously loud.
after a feast, they would walk along the forum before deciding to drop by adriano zumbo for some takeaway macarons. they would feel tired so he would take her back to his place. they would power nap on the couch conveniently located on the rooftop. they would stir soon after to find it is almost dinner time. still slightly full, they decide to visit the local supermarket to purchase alcohol and ingredients for a salad. she would buy the salad, he the alcohol. they would return home and commence festivities with some delicious rekordlig. they would "cook" together, making reference to hilarious moments in friends. after a light dinner they would eat macarons together followed by more rekordlig. as they wait for their friends to make an appearance. they head to the rooftop, pop open the moscato, turn the music onto a light hum, light a few cigarettes and talk. this time he is brave enough to let her into that complicated heart of his. she would be surprised yet privileged. he would confess how he really felt. she would reciprocate. they would hold hands until she ruins the moment again with her awkwardness. he would laugh knowing very well the moment was bound to happen sooner or later. they would lift their moscatos up to the summer air and dance along to the pleasant jumble of the smiths, U2, temper trap and lauren hill.
soon the noise of the troops would fill the romantic lull. the close friends and favourites would come armed with ingredients for cocktails, more music, weed, and movies. the rest of the night would be spent in their company. he would thank her for today. she would say thank you too. it would be 2am. she would be tired. she would whisper in his ear, i'm going to bed. and he would subconsciously follow. they would awake the next day, with a panadol and glass of peach sencha. he would tell her she looks the most beautiful right now. she would say he was lying but thank you anyway.
love,
ps. she sorted. day sorted. he still pending.
he would approach her casually, his presence would fill the void of the adjacent vacant seat. he would look effortlessly lovely, crisp white pop classic acne shirt, rolled shorts and loafers. they would laugh at the coincidentally similar outfits and he would order a glass of water. they would engage in small talk before he decides to sweep her off her feet. she would, willingly. they would walk to his parked car, he would open the door for her. they would drive to bondi and would stroll casually along the strip, stopping at the market stalls. he would buy her a small thin metal bracelet with a skull. she would adore it. they would walk past a photobooth and he would pull her in, she hesitant and embarrassed but that doesn't matter. he would tell her a funny story and she would honestly cackle, internally hoping the day would slow down because each minute means a minute closer to the end of this moment.
they would reach the beach, sit on the towel and talk. about the deeper things in life; the people they loved, the people they lost; who they want to be, what they want to see, which beatle was the best, their favourite scrubs episode, why they hate and adore courtney love, the last time they were drunk, everything but what they mean to each other. then there would be a silence, and they would stare at the sky and know, without it being spoken, that right now is enough. she would ruin the moment by taking a photo of him. he would complain but secretly love it. he'll ask if she's hungry, she would say yes. they would pack up and head to leichardt for some italian and gelato, all this time she would be singing to beyonce ridiculously loud.
after a feast, they would walk along the forum before deciding to drop by adriano zumbo for some takeaway macarons. they would feel tired so he would take her back to his place. they would power nap on the couch conveniently located on the rooftop. they would stir soon after to find it is almost dinner time. still slightly full, they decide to visit the local supermarket to purchase alcohol and ingredients for a salad. she would buy the salad, he the alcohol. they would return home and commence festivities with some delicious rekordlig. they would "cook" together, making reference to hilarious moments in friends. after a light dinner they would eat macarons together followed by more rekordlig. as they wait for their friends to make an appearance. they head to the rooftop, pop open the moscato, turn the music onto a light hum, light a few cigarettes and talk. this time he is brave enough to let her into that complicated heart of his. she would be surprised yet privileged. he would confess how he really felt. she would reciprocate. they would hold hands until she ruins the moment again with her awkwardness. he would laugh knowing very well the moment was bound to happen sooner or later. they would lift their moscatos up to the summer air and dance along to the pleasant jumble of the smiths, U2, temper trap and lauren hill.
soon the noise of the troops would fill the romantic lull. the close friends and favourites would come armed with ingredients for cocktails, more music, weed, and movies. the rest of the night would be spent in their company. he would thank her for today. she would say thank you too. it would be 2am. she would be tired. she would whisper in his ear, i'm going to bed. and he would subconsciously follow. they would awake the next day, with a panadol and glass of peach sencha. he would tell her she looks the most beautiful right now. she would say he was lying but thank you anyway.
love,
ps. she sorted. day sorted. he still pending.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
thought #42- why everyone should take the elevator
i had this dream awhile back (circa early 2009) and as pathetic and sappy as it sounds involved myself meeting an unknown handsome stranger inside an elevator at some unidentified university. basically, we complimented each others clothing and resulted in my rejection after his sincere "hey i know this thai place near campus, if you havent had lunch yet..." haha im still contemplating whether its quioxtic, foolish or just mere creepy of me to recall the exact detail of that dream but of course i awoke wishing it was a reality haha.
depending on who is inside an elevator with you, you may obtain feelings of wishing this ride would never end or feelings of utter desperation as if you're swimming with jaws or something. have you ever observed the awkward silence or the fleeting moment eyes and gazes collide as someone enters and leaves an elevator? while the ride occurs you shuffle your feet, look up to the ceiling, feign that the numbers on the wall are the most exciting thing since sliced bread and avoid any inappropriate lengths of staring which may be taken as scary/pedophiliac/rude. perhaps its me but its in this instance where suddenly you're another stranger to a stranger, where the possibility of being stuck inside in an event of misfortune is a reality and for that instance you are at your most vulnerable.
perhaps the man/woman of your dreams is inside with you, perhaps your long lost relative haha. i don't know im just being idealistic. but really, elevators can be the origin to which something flourishes in your life. what is the real meaning of today's thought? nothing at all. it was utterly random haha. all i can say is next time you enter an elevator be nice. don't be like those grouchy fags that push their trolleys into your feet and pout as if they have an appointment with the devil or something. smile to strangers, not in that way... and you never know. perhaps you can say its just optimistic of me, but you can never really tell who you'll meet and what they'll mean to you inside an elevator haha.
love
depending on who is inside an elevator with you, you may obtain feelings of wishing this ride would never end or feelings of utter desperation as if you're swimming with jaws or something. have you ever observed the awkward silence or the fleeting moment eyes and gazes collide as someone enters and leaves an elevator? while the ride occurs you shuffle your feet, look up to the ceiling, feign that the numbers on the wall are the most exciting thing since sliced bread and avoid any inappropriate lengths of staring which may be taken as scary/pedophiliac/rude. perhaps its me but its in this instance where suddenly you're another stranger to a stranger, where the possibility of being stuck inside in an event of misfortune is a reality and for that instance you are at your most vulnerable.
perhaps the man/woman of your dreams is inside with you, perhaps your long lost relative haha. i don't know im just being idealistic. but really, elevators can be the origin to which something flourishes in your life. what is the real meaning of today's thought? nothing at all. it was utterly random haha. all i can say is next time you enter an elevator be nice. don't be like those grouchy fags that push their trolleys into your feet and pout as if they have an appointment with the devil or something. smile to strangers, not in that way... and you never know. perhaps you can say its just optimistic of me, but you can never really tell who you'll meet and what they'll mean to you inside an elevator haha.
love
p.s. this made me laugh haha,
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