thought #97- lazy or laconic?

or perhaps both? today was one of those days which place you to feel pathetic, shitty, unhappy yet not sad, smoking inhumanely away with one suspicious eye and the other ready for bed. it was definitely a moody day for me. why you may ask? to be honest there is no particular reason. i can't blame it on anything, neither can i pinpoint it to anything exactly. its a frustrating enigma. usually when i have nothing to say, i abound in much to write. but this is not the case today.

but i must add (and perhaps only one person will get this, perhaps no one will, i dont mind haha) even when i look disinterested and shitfaced and upset and absent in speech and lacking in love, i feel better by your company. and the fact that you like me enough to spend your precious time on and with me. and at the risk of sabotaging my mysteriousness, i guess my starring into the distance or freakishly ogling your face is only to disguise the uttering of my mind. and the very thought that i consider myself blessed to know someone like you. without trying to stamp out meaning with verbosity, i guess i just needed to say thank you, i appreciate you.

love,

ps. free bear hugs, the best remedy after a blah day.

thought # 64- it's the little things

in life which truly impact. i mean yes the significant, drastic, life altering things always make an impact and influence in our world as a whole, but i truly believe in the small, minute, when no one notices, iotas of triviality which we always tend to dismiss as nothing more than "it just happens." today i went on another trek to the city and experienced numerous little but lovely things today.

i appreciated the way this man scooted across for another man to sit beside him on the 616X to the city that morning, and i appreciated the way the thankful man quickly waved in gratitude to the other as they seperated. i appreciated the way people, in their busy routines of life, paused internally to smile once an eye was caught along that long tunnel thing from central station. i appreciated the way i entered my first compulsory seminar (slightly late) and how that lovely lady pushed her table aside for me to pass through the squishy aisle. i appreciated the way the lady in the uts toilet admired my boots whilst drying her own hands simultaneously. i appreciated waiting for a train to newtown from redfern and the eclectic folk that surrounded me. i appreciated the lady who sold me those cheap shoe boots i had lusted for three weeks and found still lying in the window front yearning to be owned by myself. i appreciated the delightful $7 lunch special at maggi's thai restaurant and even more appreciative that the waiter let me cash out at the atm adjacent to the restaurant after i had eaten. i appreciated the lady's kindness when i accidently hit her with my big ass mimco bag whilst trying to sit down on the train.  i appreciated the way the young school girl asked if she could sit next to me on the bus. i appreciated the way so many people bought lovely shit from friperie at its launch. i appreciated the way my mother was keen to help me with the my little hobby. i appreciated many things today.

small, simple things that make me appreciate life even when i feel frustrated by the present circumstances. so shit happens, and things aren't always delightful and rosy and amazingly euphoric. i'm not feeling very splendid at all this week. yet when you're drowned in the kindness of strangers and friends alike, you cannot help thank the one above that there is always, always something to smile about at the conclusion of the day.

ps. i appreciate julian casablancas, santogold and pharrell williams. i really do.

thought # 36- you don't know what you've got till its gone

this statement rings truth as i sat in church today while robert fergusson was preaching. actually the message wasn't solely based on it but when he mentioned it, i immediately became convicted. i guess especially in this point of life and what has been left dormant or discarded in 2009. you never do realise what you had once possessed, or taken for granted or is so part of the trivial, quotidian routine of life until they disappear and you start to feel the absence.

sometimes the feeling is a relief, an accomplishment, a victory. sometimes its sad and morose like an internal piece of the puzzle, which makes up who you are, is missing. sometimes its frightening because you suddenly have to face existence or something in life alone and without that usual person, thing or guide. but most of the time its hard. whether we were hoping for the day to come in which were expecting liberty or hoping that things would never ever have to turn the way it did. regardless if it was for the best, whether it was mutual, who wanted it or who didnt. relationships, people, things, feelings are all hard to let go.

and its this realisation of when things are suddenly hollow in their presence which is the most convicting. you think about how amazing life was with them/that. you hold onto memories and cherish every little detail that "it" is synonymous with. sometimes i wish it didnt have to take for things to end or go before we can appreciate people and aspects of life. thats why i guess this 2010, i want to do things a little more differently.

i dont want to wait until i've lost something or someone dear to me for me to actually realise how special they are. don't make the mistake of doing so. save yourself the heartache and call friends, remind family, stop in the busyness of life to, just as robert fergusson mentioned today, appreciate beauty. there is such a thin line from something that brings us to our knees in awe to something that is so yesterday. i hope i never think that way about anyone in my life. so forgive me in advance if i sound like a sappy little happy camper but i just want to know what i have and know it for all it's worth when i still have it now. 


love,

ps. i think this maybe an album, im still unsure. the title just made perfect sense for this haha.