thought #132 dear heartbreaker,

Day 13 - A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

now don't get me wrong i'm not seething anymore. neither do i feel torn anymore. you're honestly the only person i could think of that hurt me "recently." i never enjoy dwelling on the nasty, depressing bits of the past but i wish i could totally understand how and why it all fell apart. i wish i could pinpoint the moment it went from fun to frustration. but i really can't. there's so many questions i have. but i've stopped seeking the answers. i mean for what reason?

honestly i still have days where i'm bickering with my head and heart. i still incidentally recall things that remind me of you. i don't mean to be nostalgic. it just happens. sometimes i am struck with false hope. then i wake up the next day and realise if it's meant to be we would be together and since it isn't i am just content to be where i stand.

because of you i've learnt (the hard way) to guard my heart. to you it may never have been a big deal. i don't hold you against it. at the end of the day we both wanted different things. i've surpassed feelings of self-sympathy, blind rage and bitterness. i just wish you well. i hope you find happiness but never at the expense of another person's heart.

this will hopefully be the last time i allow my heart to reign over logic. i guess i could hope for karma, or for you to realise the extent of your actions. but once again for what? what will it benefit? i still want to be friends, despite everything. because i did meet an amazing soul. i just got momentarily blinded. but with everything being said, and with as much grace and optimism i can give. if you were to ever pulverise my heart again, i would be the fool to blame for letting you do so. and maybe its then i know its safer to leave just as quickly as i came into your life and you into mine.

love,
abi.  

thought #131- i am a blogwhore

Day 12 - How you found out about Tumblr and why you made one (in this case blogspot)

i don't remember the exact date. all i know is nearing the end of the hsc i decided to document my crazy thoughts, mundane existence and other useless shit in a form of a blog. i discovered other friends already had a blogspot and with the satorialist inspiring me on a sidenote, i decided to create it.  i don't really remember why. it really wasn't so that i could parade my life around. it was definitely a means of venting, another form of exercising my brain and another way to non- subtly hint feelings to people. im actually glad i was bored one day and did this. it's almost one year. not quite but almost. i love flicking through each entry. its great to think that i will never think that thought exactly how i thought it that day. i laugh and cringe at the memories and remember like it was only yesterday. i love learning from mistakes, crave repeats and escapes. it really is life in blog form. i dare you to join.

love,

p.s. haha we all know the answer is yes.

thought #130- walk

Day 11- A youtube video

there are about a million youtube videos i could of linked. but i thought i'd go for this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzRKEv6cHuk&feature=player_embedded
my friend jason showed it to me the other day and it absolutely blew my mind. at how much time and effort had been put into something that seemingly looked like just following a guy walking across america. simple stuff, oh how i was so very wrong. the complexity blew me away and the end result much much more. check it out, it suddenly inspired me to do something creative. just like that.

ps. zumba is so much fun, if you haven't joined a class. do it now!!

love,

thought #129- life's soundtrack

Day 10 - Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad 

today's post makes me cringe. not because i loathe music or being emotional. i think i love music too much to merely box myself into a list of songs i listen as a slave of my emotions. though in all honesty there are the regulars. the eclectic array of songs i usually don't and do listen to on a routine basis. so, at the risk of losing whatever dignity i have, i present you with just a snippet of my playlist in the following categories of happy, sad, bored, hyped or mad.

abi's 5 song sample of happiness (N.B. in no order)
1. dancing in the moonlight- toploader.
2. dancing in september- earth, wind and fire.
3. 1963-  rachael yamagata.
4. animal arithmetic- jonsi.
5. i feel it all- feist.

abi's 5 song sample of sadness (N.B. synthesizing was a bitch to be honest haha)
1. slow dancing in a burning room- john mayer.
2. sway- bic runga
3. warning sign- coldplay.
4. the sea- corinne bailey rae
5. 9 crimes- damien rice.


abi's 5 song sample of boredom
1. lisztomania- pheonix.
2. eriatarka- the mars volta.
3. it's in our hands- bjork.
4. that time- regina spektor.
5. suck my kiss- red hot chili peppers.

abi's 5 song sample of hype
1. reptillia- the strokes.
2. mr brightside- the killers.
3. bittersweet symphony- the verve.
4. cheating on you- franz ferdinand.
5. crazy in love- beyonce.

abi's 5 song sample of anger.
1. we get on- kate nash.
2. don't speak- no doubt.
3. tired- adele.
4. naive- the kooks.
5. mysteries- yeah, yeah, yeahs.

love,

thought #128- make your mumma proud

Day 09 - Something you’re proud of in the past month

i don't believe experienced any great triumphs or epiphanies in the last month. but i guess im proud of passing my first semester of uni, as horribly uncommitted as i was. it's only encouraged me to try my best this coming semester. i guess i'm also proud of stirring from my completely depressed and nonsensical state in life. i must admit the past few months have been very difficult. i'm not one to be emotional but things have occurred which have caused much complacency, questioning, priority shifting and such. but im glad to be on the right track. enjoying life, understanding that there will never be just a simple way, and that regardless of how many times we get fucked over, that there is hope and power in perspective. im just going to live life, find a job, be happy and learn to love the priorities in my life... men not included. HAHA

 love,

thought #127- mid-year resolutions

Day 08 - Short term goals for this month and why

as of august:

1. get a job. because its absolutely lifeless without an income and too much spare time.
2. actually study this semester. because i dont want another repeat of last's. 
3. get fit. health is wealth.
4. cut back on the filthy habits. self explanatory
5. remain single and uninvolved with the male kind. its easier that way.
6. rattle musical bones. they are starting to become dormant.
7. keep writing. even when there's no external worth. it keeps you sane
8. GET Ps. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. 
9. be a better person. because i've been a plain old hag last month haha.

love,

thought# 127- who you starting to move like?

Day 07 - A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.

i love that yeah yeah yeah's song, but the point really lies in today's challenge. the picture is not to point out that iphoto has had the most impact on my life but rather the albums within its contents. all the people, objects, words and thoughts found in my albums have played such a large part in formulating who i am today. i really couldn't choose just one person, or one item, or even one memory. they are glued together to create my worldview, my likes, my dislikes, what i am proud of, what i'm not. the people who i have known since birth, to the ones who i just met a few months ago. they all in their small yet significant way have impacted me, to collectively be the biggest impact. some for the better, some for the worse. but irrespective of the impact its been life-changing. they all somewhat orchestrate my being. they somewhat, in their disorientated way, create harmony. life.

love,