thought # 17- i don't want to be nocturnal anymore

i realised this when i awoke at almost 2pm today and suddenly came to the frightening reality that in one hour school would have concluded and i have skipped breakfast and also lunch and i feel like a bloated monstrous, lazy pile of mass. it was not a pleasant feeling. its not my intention to stay up ridiculously late every night but i do believe its my odd sleeping patterns and nanna napping that has contributed to my ridiculous amounts of snoozing. so i am now officially starting a regime which includes being in bed by midnight, waking up no later than 10am, exercising, detoxing and consuming at least three meals a day (reminder to self: coffee is not considered a meal). with work beginning again next week i can no longer afford the luxury of sleeping in anyway, which in itself is a blessing in disguise.

i have much to look forward to and plenty of busyness honing in on my little life during the end months of this year. i cannot believe its christmas so soon, i cannot believe its december already. where has 2009 gone? how scary yet splendid. this year has been certainly one of the best and all that has occurred has proven delight, romance, goodbyes and intense stress is all part of this lifetime. well i don't have much to blog on so apologies if thought 17 is boring... i am personally struggling from not resting my head against the keyboard of the laptop and entering into a british-french fuelled stupor in a puddle of my own saliva. oh this summer looks perspiringly delightful! i am looking forward to participating in money-making (aka work), frolicking with my handsome friends, resting underneath an umbrella on the beach, being lavished with presents at christmastime haha, visiting a drive- in movie in pajamas and armed with popcorn, playdates with new friends, old companions and of course getting lost (literally and figuratively) with my favourite boy.

love

 p.s. summer objective: being young and restless. what i intend to do in the near future.
p.p.s. in case you're bored haha  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvZtSIWUwP4 

thought # 16- j'ai ennuyé

translated into english: "i'm bored." 

forgive me if i'm incorrect in formulating the sentence but i'm a french wannabe remember? who recently discovered her oxford french mini dictionary for year seven french class with good old mrs macdonald (mach-doh-naaaald). oh the memories of early high school and reading from those infamous taped stories, singing that abominable song which somehow managed to include e-bay courtesy of joshua baissari's translations, and our routine greeting of:

mrs m (in her pompous but refined french accent): bonjour la class!
class (in a half arsed french accent, often accompanied with laughter and groans): bonjour madame macdonald...
mrs m: ca va?
class: tres bien merci, ca va?
mrs m: tres bien, si asseoir vous


haha the only reason i really remember this, is because of the first lesson we ever had in which began speaking to us as if we had the faint idea of how to speak or understand french. it was moreso amusing that she got annoyed at us after failing to respond to her "bonjour la class!" haha but i must give her credit. she wasn't a horrible teacher.

well since finally retrieving this delicate paraphernalia and reminiscing about all that this handy dictionary embodied, i suddenly desired to learn how to speak, in all seriousness and reality. i have even resorted in calling my parents mére and pére which i must say is quite fun. i want to learn french. i want to, even if it is only through their delicate amazing language, feel like a beautiful french woman which i personally envy. so as far as european affiliations go, i am in love with british boys and accents and adore the fine french felines (Julia Restoin Roitfield, Lou Dillion, Andrea Tatou, Coco Chanel etc. ) and the language. one day i shall visit the dirty paris streets and the cold londonside and become captive and romantic of places i only croire and pray to God Almighty that i shall see. 

amour

p.s. picture taken for the november issue of french vogue.
pps. sorry if you think it's lewd, but it personally captures the essence of everything french. the borderline porn/sex appeal, romance, naughtiness, and unrealistically handsome and stick thin models. so  very french haha.

thought # 15- hoola hooping is not dead

just ask my parents. they are convinced after reading an article regarding this woman who (with the contribution of a healthy diet, other forms of exercise and inhumane amounts of self-control) dropped 3-4 dress sizes by hoola hooping everyday. so after this inspiring article, they bought a hoola hoop at crazy petes and have now added to their regime of walking together everyday by hoola hooping.

as a mere spectator and encourager (this title is questionable) i must say that their practise of the art of maintaining a circular ring across your hips for as long as you can is hilarious. it is so entertaining, watching as my parents in all their adorableness, jiggle their way through lovehandles and watch as they perspire in an attempt to keep this single hoop around their body. its like watching the olympics. you feel the pressure and the dissapointment each time the hoop hits the ground, you sense the unspoken competition between the two and most of all you witness the moments of glory as they break their previous personal bests and congratulate through laughter as they rub their bruised knees and sore backs. it really is a sport.

im still trying to convince them to buy another and go tandem hoola hooping, but they don't believe they're at that stage yet. all this twisting and twirling and exercise makes me wish that i had actually learnt how to hoola hoop in my younger years. but being the lazy resident of our humble abode, i prefer watching and exploding with laughter at witnessing my parents exercise regimes. however i have a good feeling that it will no longer be funny when they eventually drop a few dress sizes and look amazing, having mastered the art of hoola hooping. whilst i remain uneducated and far from being in shape haha.

love

N.B. i can't find the camera but as soon as i do i shall post a picture of the infamous hoola hoop.
p.s. if my parents end up reading this, im sorry for revealing your personal exclusive exercise regime. you're still pretty cool.

thought # 14- i have a conviction

its not everyday that i pay attention to thorns at my sides (no matter how gapingly open they appear to be). lately i've realised how self-centred i've been. i mean just observe my last thirteen entries. most, if not all are encompassing my whims, why i hate my legs, why i think aaron johnson and ruby rose are gorgeous, what i look forward to in the near future and other irrelevant and frivolous detail. though i enjoy every minute of wallowing and contemplating in details of my life i guess i haven't even spent one entry on the most important thing that really matters. believe it or not it's JESUS.

i think it would be easier to be postmodernist, atheist, humanist and rely upon human might and the natural forces of our being to dictate our morals, absolute power, the existence of heaven, hell or the nothingness in between. i think it would be much easier to agree that truth is relative and what is my cup of earl grey may not necessarily be yours hence we should just accept the fact that we are both correct. i think it would even be easier to go on a thrilling theological debate regarding philosophies and other theories only our human minds can comprehend to an extent before we return to the daunting question of "so is there a God?"

but im not smart. i would lose a literary, philosophical debate because i only have evidence on the basis of faithfulness and goodness over my own life and the life of others. yes i am a witness and a receiver but that is not satisfying for theorists who layer their lives on "half-truths" and "partially corrects." so i thought it apt to at least dedicate one entry (before i return to a tangent and yak about my trivial life) on why life is not complete without Jesus.

so i don't like the term religion, or being phrased "oh you're religious." because frankly religion is a man made way of trying to box Jesus in. not cool. yes you may have heard it plenty of times but it is true. relationship. its not enough to recognise the word, the name, the wonder if you don't even have the guts to thank him for your big mac before consuming it. im not being sacrilegious or condemning because its a personal struggle i deal with daily. sometimes i screw it up, actually i screw it up a lot. sometimes i end the day on a happy note, others on a horrible one. but the difference is that i still manage to wake up every morning and try again. try to love the way he first loved us.

so it may be harder to believe in Jesus, even harder to love him but its the hardest not to do so. i hope one day people realise that its not about being cool, its not about being in a cool church, its not about being anything more than what would make Jesus proud.

love

p.s. into the palpitating organ of jesus and the church.

thought # 13- i tend to scare the boys away

this is actually a title from a song i composed circa 2006. embarrassing i know. i don't think i will ever publish this piece of musical tantrum because frankly it makes me sound like a sadistic, desperate woman (not that i already do sound like one haha). anyway so i stayed awake until 3ish in the early morn wasting precious slumber time by flicking through and re- reading eleven notebads/books/diaries dated from as early as 2004 to early 2009 regarding my eventful, pathetic, tragic and glorious love life. i must comment that i was thoroughly intrigued by my own thought processes and moreso relieved that i have matured when it comes to dealing with broken hearts, frustrated one-sided affections, the other girl and the monstrous idea of being "just friends." it felt like another stab at nostalgia, as i reminded myself of who i was infatuated with at certain times...  true it was enough to make me cringe and think to myself "i actually said/wrote/thought/felt that?!" but nevertheless reading such past entries truly gave me a bout of nausea and pleasantness,  similarly to when you have downed ridiculous amounts of alcohol and feeling invincible for the first ten minutes then suddenly contracting that feeling of wanting to regurgitate your internal organs out onto the toilet bowl. (sorry gross analogy again!).

so i was happy to read what i had thought and felt during those past years but it also felt like a punch in the gut or a slap in the face. to realise how pathetic i had been and moreso disappointed in myself to think that i was foolish in believing some of these crushes were beyond the fantasy world of my hopeless romantic self. it was sad to think that nothing ever became of all my dramatic entries and squeals of adoration scribbled onto paper. but believe me i really am over it. i have nothing to complain about romantic wise, being in a brilliant "its complicated HAHA" relationship with an amazing guy who supersedes all past male affiliations (sorry that's as sappy as i can go). but it of course makes you think, as you read each entry and laugh at how idiotic you sound.

but oh well, i was young and idealistic. these days im more practical and reasonable in my quest for the "perfect man" or "prince" as my thirteen year old whims used to title it haha. there is no real lesson to be learnt or moral to be discovered by this. another random thought exposing another layer of myself. fall in love i say, document each time he makes you feel like you want to throw up because he's just adorable, comment on every time you want to compensate a horrible date, another arguement, an eventual break up with ice cream, tissues and a best friend. laugh out loud at the list you have conjured entitled "25 reasons why i like..." remark on how pathetic you are because you can't get over him even after attempting to brainwash yourself with unrealistic chick flicks and gorgeous men who you will most likely never meet in your lifetime then read over them in a few years. then you'll understand that euphoric nausea i'm talking about haha.

love

p.s. love- the beater, you- person in the bowl, your lover- bowl haha. (courtesy of danise and http://otarie.tumblr.com)

thought # 12- if i was a lesbian

i would froth over ruby rose, heck the fact is i'm straight and already do. i had a dream about her last night, hence the inspiration for this stalker-like fan dedication regarding this beautiful woman. the dream involved myself attempting to sing a song for ruby on the occassion of her birthday party, however, pamela anderson was in the way and constantly trying to hog the mic (i believe she was drunk). it was comical but i think i was in awe of ruby to even care.  i must say i woke up a happy woman. there is really something about that girl. perhaps its the way she conveys a carefree, sophisticated, sultry, trendy yet unconventional aura. beyond the fact that she is gorgeous physically and i love every inch of her including her tattooed sleeve and bleached pixie which most people would look shit and try- hard, she exudes a ferocity and is comical and witty- traits girls would love to adopt and men wish that more women had haha (i am just being honest, i dont think i even make the cut). nevertheless one day i wish to meet her in person, and explode internally and attempt to hold my tounge and not gush out at how amazing she is haha.

onto another point, today was a scorcher, which i personally found appealing since yesterday's weather wanted you to pop 79257 pills and lie in your bed whilst awaiting for the side effects to corrode your body (haha im kidding, just being dramatic). i must say i engaged in productive activity, cleaning my room and sorting through the piles of ancient paraphernalia, report cards, love letters etc. tomorrow i am excited to be celebrating one of my dear friends and sister's of bonds stronger than blood birthday for dinner. it has been awhile so i am beyond excited. well before my face explodes and my limbs turn into a roasted dinner (because my room is the hottest in summer, coldest in winter, loudest all year round GRR!) i shall be off.

love

p.s. i'd like to try that someday (thanks danise).

thought # 11- nostalgia

today my primary school best friend, who i have not personally seen in over two years, came over for a girls day in. it really was eventful and splendid, gorging and catching up on life, love and reminding ourselves at how pathetically lame we were in the glory days of primary education. it made me realise how much i truly missed her but im glad feelings of awkwardness are absent even after many years have seperated us. the day was spent chattering about the drunken fiascos and hookups at schoolies, boyfriends and commitment, the past, future and university, then watched bride wars (which only compelled us to get married and plan the perfect wedding... but knowing me that won't be for another eight years minimum haha), experimented on our locks and grimaces with make-up and ate like heffers. it was delightful, despite the tragic, depressing weather.

i guess chances such as these make you realise the value of childhood friends and reminds you of how time passes in this world. it really is insane. but we should really cherish friends such as the ones that knew you from the time picking your nose wasn't offensive, shared in your delight when $2 could allow you to purchase the entire canteen, agreed that year 12 kids were the next thing to parents and God Almighty, cheered you up when the boy you like held hands with another, fought over things like non-existent pokemon and loved you regardless of your crappy haircut and lovehandles.

really, i do encourage you to catch up with them. give them a call, send them a comment on facebook, write them a letter. i think i shall aim to meet up with all my beloved old friends before we continue to say "ill do it tomorrow" and find ourselves living in twenty years later.

love

p.s. edwina kwong and i. we still think we're cool haha.