thought #70- i don't expect anything

so my day was a concoction of bitter humidity, perpetual bus rides, puking behind the loved up couple in the front seat, shattering the anti socialism and meeting new friends, falling asleep in my economics lecture, walking past mr ralph lauren polo model (aka my stranger crush), impromptu shopping at market city, meeting up with mads, consuming gloria jeans whilst talking about the past, present and future, being loner at the library, visiting a five star hotel with father, feeling smitten by the adorable office boy reading "enriching your prayer life," sitting adjacent to me on the bus home and everything that lies in between. it was particularly eventful yet only one thing (apart from my battle with slumber) stuck with me until this very minute i find myself tapping away at the subconscious beatings of my little, confused and slightly marred heart- expectations.

i mean expectations have lingered since the day you were conscious of hope, however, i find that this transitional, important time in my life where things are beginning to change, new atmospheres, new relationships, turning eighteen etc etc. has caused me to pay greater attention to the expectations i have conjured regarding this present moment of life. since forever, i have had dreams or pathetic little visions of what i thought life after school would look like. some having been fulfilled, others yet to be seen. and then others have been nothing but surprising disappointments (refer to my thought regarding disappointment).

i guess the thing with expectation is that you must be prepared for both the fulfilment and failure. sadly i was too focused on the optimism and forgot that life doesn't revolve around the accordances of my plans but under His.' nevertheless you can't erase the people you thought you could still call friends, the places you thought you would visit regularly, the days you would still find familiarity with. you expect them to be all part of your life, then suddenly change in its rude, interrupting yet almost always needed time arrives and your expectations are left like discarded gum stuck to one's shoe.

i guess the moral of this all is not to turn you off expectations. be expectant, life is not for the lazy. existence is. but when things don't go your way or how you hoped it to be don't lose heart. things will get better in time. its all in time. the worst that you could do now is never get up from such a disheartening blow or to declare over everything that is important to you "i don't expect anything."

love,

ps. not really relevant to the story, but this did make me miss school and hsc advanced english HAHA

thought # 37- i'm a university admirer

as in i have a feeling ill be one of those sad little nerds who will live, breathe and thrive in the glories of tertiary study and find excitement over lectures, handsome strangers who walk past daily, coffee and lunch dates with old friends and new ones and the liberty of no uniform and hair regulations. i have a feeling i will never really get over the university phase haha.

i can affirm this thought whilst walking through usyd's prodigious campus and feeling utterly at home. poor kuan and mads who had to witness my excitement and share in my jubilation to be at a mock lecture. thank you both for coming with me. i love you my favourites who put up with my nerdy self. regardless if usyd will be my university (for first year anyway) i am beyond excited at finally beginning life after high school and expectant at what this year will birth and bring.

so yesterday's much tiring but splendid day involved meeting with kuan at blacktown, in which we unexpectedly bumped into ced on the way to work. after never finding mads on the train we eventually sighted her at central and began our walk to uts. the straightforward trip was interrupted (on a good note) by the darling josh baissari who was also on his way to uts. after collecting our freebies as is always an advantage, we caught the free bus to syd uni and after momentarily getting lost and shotgunning each other to ask questions, we managed to attend the business lecture and collect information etc.

we went to lunch at a korean bbq thanks to kuan and enjoyed our meal like tourists haha. we waited for the bus to unsw but unfortunately this never arrived and out of boredom, tire and a compulsion to shop and consume gelato we decided to go to town hall and go to qvb. we went to myer and spent a ridiculous amount of time dnming on a couch made of grass... this was without a doubt a highlight of our whole adventure. after mads bought her gelato (relationship therapy) and headed home. after mads left us at westmead, kuan and i continued to blacktown where we had boost and waited for his mother.

after being thankfully dropped off by kuan's mother, i arrived back home with aching legs, much information and my mind decided and set upon which university. hence the conclusion of my day haha. over all the day was splendid, hot, intriguing, educational haha and grand.

love

p.s. once again we should of taken photos!