thought #186- groundhog day

recently i've found myself in a trance. an indifferent, ephemeral state of being in which i am almost there but not quite. i don't blame anyone; not even work and the busyness it has created and the rest i internally crave. it's just i feel somewhat stuck. it's peculiar actually. i go about my days working hard, eating, sleeping, listening to music, checking facebook, text messaging a friend and falling asleep only to repeat this quotidian routine and although i am not complaining i feel as i've reached my "groundhog day." this odd, nonchalant time in my life where i see everyone racing past me, changing, evolving, accepting, moving on, adapting and forwarding into the future and i feel as if i'm left on a hamster's treadmill aching for freedom.

so what is the remedy i ask myself? sure i could do with something new, something spontaneous, something more. or perhaps i just need to accept that everyone's accepted the fact that life goes on and get over everything that keeps me cemented to my current condition. i admit, i'm not one to get over things. important things i mean (none of this grudge bullshit). but its difficult and a process i am willing but hesitant, unsure, afraid to take.

i think back to january first and the optimism and expectation i bore for this year and although i feel like another crack in the pavement pushover i must say i still carry this hope. for more. for something to finally come into my life and resurrect that fun part in me.

it doesn't have to be in the form of a gorgeous white boy (though that would be lovely), it could simply be a holiday, getting in shape, giving up the cigs, a new hair colour, picking up a bible again or simply saying im sorry and i forgive you. i know its easier said than done but maybe. maybe with this attitude and effort we can get somewhere, rather than sitting, wishing, waiting for fuck all.

love,

thought #182- rewind, fast forward

2010 was:

to say the least an eventful year. moments, memories that encapsulate and epitomize what 2010 has been can only be associated with change and firsts. i have learn't much, changed much, experienced much and lived much this year. it has sort of become a catalyst in life as if everything in existence as merely placid cruising until this year. i giggle and cringe at the thought of everything that has occurred in this year. the midnight kiss, the messy nights, queensland, the heartaches, the euphorias, the decisions, the letting go and moving on, university, turning eighteen, the vices, hospital, brunches and lunches, meeting new friends and missing the old, writing articles, getting a job and the dwindling faith you feel perpetually convicted by. i've had such an amazing, frustrating, confusing, joyous and blessed year.

2011 will be:

and i say aloud with much hope, even better than the last. what i love is knowing that though 2010 has brought much change and firsts, it has still left 2011 a chance to catch up. there are still so many things to do, people to love, places to go, convictions to attend and a bigger, much more delightful life to live. i enter 2011 with much hope and optimism. who knows, perhaps this is the year to find the boy, finally get my Ps, get inked, quit smoking, get a hd, reacquaint myself with dear friends and make new ones along the way, reinvent my wardrobe and redecorate my room, start fresh with people i still want in life but momentarily took for granted, love my parents more, travel overseas, refrain from alcohol poisoning, learn how to cook, do more live gigs, experiment and expand. i can only hope and pray for a favorable and blessed year ahead.

ps. oh the irony, happy new years lovelies. hope you're partying hard or in my case heartspilling at 1: 24am :)

thought#163- summer lovin'

i cannot absolutely wait until finals are done with and i can begin enjoying my summer. the to-do list has emerged once again with much to do and accomplish. so here's the holiday schedule and a farewell to all things dignified and a bank account with money in it.

the summer holiday list:

1. pass all spring subjects (must, must, must).
2. finalise 2011 timetable.
3. GET Ps!
4. work all day.
5. play and party with lovelies.
6. purchase entire box sets of daria and skins.
7. visit the beach
8. go on a holiday (be it local or wherever, in dire need to escape).
9. grow locks.
10. lose winter wobble.
11. get inked.
12. record.
13. write.
14. gig.
15. absinthe salon.
16. cooking classes.
17. dinner and high tea.
18. organise friperie
19. sponsor a compassion child.
20. love life. 

oh this summer looks so amazing. now to study and momentarily anguish about my teritary study.

love,