thought # 47 *insert awkward silence*

today, whilst flicking through my sacred moleskine, i realised how awkward the word "awkward" was. perhaps its the placement of "w's" or the way it can be articulated in an american (awwwk-werrrd), british (awe-k-were-d) or filipino (owww-k-waaard) accent haha.


anyway, i must say i am fond of awkwardness. i love boys who are subconsciously awkward, those who fumble with their pens and drop things on the floor, those who stutter in conversation and use big words not out of conceit but simply because its within their vocabulary, those who smile and turn away at the mere thought of sharing a mutual awkward silence with someone they adore, those who embrace awkward silences and literally liquidise by the very perfect moment they are in. those who laugh at their awkwardness and cherish others. those are the kind of awkward encounters i like. yes there are awkwards that make you feel uncomfortable, that make you desperate with feeble attempts at alibis to remove you from the situation. and the worst of them all are the boys who try to be awkward because they know girls dig it.


you're either awkward or you're not. you're either michael cera cute, nerdy, hesitant but brilliant. or you're another dick who wears glasses even though he doesnt need them and sleazily tries to pick you up with "I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock." HAHA so i dont know about you, but awkwardness isn't all too bad. socially-awkward people are usually the most amazingly, intriguing and sweet people you will meet. now to find my "awkward silence" boy... or perhaps he already exists in my world and i am just yet to realise his presence? *insert awkward silence* :)


love,

ps. this made me laugh uncontrollably haha. 

thought #29- where's my michael cera?

so tonight was spent engaging in another awkward, quirky, michael ceraesque film- nick and norah's inifinite playlist- which i must say was splendid, uncomfortable but sappy in totality. i think im beginning to gain a penchant for michael cera and his roles/movies which involve him as the stereotypical geeky, socially-awkward, not gorgeous but unconventionally cute male protagonist who's heart is broken then mended by another slightly left- of-centre girl with a shared commonality such as music in this case or a growing foetus (in juno) haha.

so he's not james franco, james dean, aaron johnson (and the list potentially continues perpetually) amazing, but he does have that attractive, kooky personality that i adore in boys (i know not to all haha). something that makes you ngaw uncontrollably and feel pathetic without having to gag at yourself (well not as much as the regular). so where does michael cera indulging lead to?

nothing really, except that i should urge us all to find our michael ceras in life. well if your anything like twisted old me, you wouldn't even bother with the pursuit and just wait and see. i guess this boils down to discernment. sometimes we get caught up with the momentary madness, the transitory ecstacy and the rendevouz- like fling to conveniently forget about the future. i can honestly say at this point in time, i am in this position. it feels like i am at the crux of a michael cera vs. (who's a hot jerk in a movie? can't think...) in life. and i am not merely confining this to love, but life in general.

so change may be splendid but it can also lead us to danger. sometimes we may get distracted by the flurries and hurries of our life to lose focus upon our michael ceras... the little less appealing, AWKWARD people/moments/extensions of your life. i dont know if im making sense here, probably not because as we speak i am very apprehensive about receiving my hsc marks tomorrow and moreso freaking out about the atar rank the day after. God, please help me haha.

p.s. michael cera, this post was not really about you. you were another twisted analogy. but i still think you're adorable anyway.

love

p.s. written on december 15 2009