thought #223- i do

so i attended the wedding of a dear friend and big sissy of mine yesterday. i'm not one to be sappy but weddings actually get the better of me. it's one of the only moments in existence that i gush at the innumerable amounts of kissing, loving and pathetic mush i would otherwise projectile vomit over. it was a beautiful day and evening and i couldn't help feel that they really belonged together. one moment that particularly got me was when the groom uttered "you really are the love of my life."

apart from the sappiness associated with this movie cliche, the thing that got me was that i totally believed him. i wholeheartedly knew and felt how much he adored his new wife and how real it was. and suddenly this notion, this beautiful declaration was screaming at me... as if to ask "will that ever happen to you?" now we all know that i'm not one to be wanting to be in a serious relationship in this point in life. but nevertheless the thought doesn't dwindle. i mean yes in the future i hope to settle down and find that person who is divinely ordained for me, but until then i find myself far from it.

i honestly wonder if i'll meet that man. and he'll love me for every facet be it brilliant and despicable. that one person who will know who i am and who i'm not and still want to marry me and have babies with me and grow old with me. i wonder if i'll meet someone who i will be content with for the rest of my life and never look back with regret for saying "i do." i honestly wonder. until then i vicariously live through these blissful moments, drinking glass after glass of wine and feeling warm and fuzzy inside each and everytime the groom and bride look at each other and dancing to "ill make love to you" on the dancefloor as a single lady. innately hoping and praying and wondering when i'll start growing up and looking past myself.

love

thought #191- the saddest thing

is not when strangers feign that they are friends, but when friends feign they are strangers. and not when one feels so much for another, but feels nothing at all. and not when we manifest lies but when we are fully aware of the truth and still choose to ignore it. and not when we see that there is so much to do, but when we see and do nothing at all.

the saddest thing is not when we forget but no longer care to remember. and not that we hate people and beliefs and things but that we are given the freewill to love and still choose against it. and not when people disappoint us but we disappoint ourselves first. and not when two people who no longer love each other fight for the rest of their lives but when they turn a deaf ear to the question "who are we fooling?"

but the most saddest thing is not the hate, hurt, pain and suffering that is around us but it is when we don't even see these things that we've personally done that is the most tragic. it's not the unknown that is frightening, it's knowing and doing nothing. it's being aware and still choosing the wrong way.

love,

ps. things to think about when we reach life's forks in the road... literally haha